To: Mila Tung, Member of JJAM writing team
From: Ashley Yuan, Member of JJAM writing team
Date: December 14, 2020
Subject: Peer Review of Job Application Package
Dear Mila,
Thank you for your job application package draft. It was overall an enjoyable read and all the elements were neatly organized and relevant. Please find my review for the draft below.
First Impressions
Overall, the package provides all the relevant elements and lays out all the key documents in a visually appealing way. The cover letter and resume clearly show long-term career goals as well as a strong intention to be in the medical field. Some minor areas for improvement are making the cover letter more concise and providing more information in the reference request letters.
Job Description
The job description is well-organized and presented all the relevant details in a clear manner. The citations are also in correct MLA format.
Cover Letter
The cover letter clearly shows passion for the position and provides details on key experiences. It provides a clear general description of current status and a clear conclusion. Here are some suggestions:
- Making the third and fourth paragraphs more concise would avoid large chunks of text for the reader, especially when recruiters have to go through many cover letters.
- For example, the third paragraph could be condensed to just include the technical skills gained from caring for a family member.
- In the fourth paragraph, rephrasing the story to mention the actions taken, such as “[giving] an accurate layout of the emergency situation”, calming the crowd, and continuing to help other patients, would make important skills stand out to recruiters.
Resume
The resume is visually appealing, and the colored headings and bullet points make it easy to read. Experiences are listed in chronological order and the objective is clearly stated. Here are a few suggestions:
- Switching the Education and Skills section would allow for a more logical order in presenting current student status as well as skills obtained from both academia and experiences.
- Keeping only relevant experiences for being a care aide would make the resume more catered to the specific position (i.e. possibly leaving out Surrey Food Bank and WGSS Library).
- Separating technical and soft skills in the Skill section would allow recruiters to easily identify skills they are looking for.
- Adding an Interests section could help make you stand out to recruiters and medical organizations, especially for care aide positions.
Letters Requesting References
The letters are to-the-point and is presented in a formal and cordial manner. Some suggestions are:
- In your second letter, establishing a more personal connection with the reader could increase chances of the person writing a reference
- Rephrasing “My list of references will need to be ready by January 31st, 2021” to “If you agree to write these references, the deadline for submission is January 31st” would present a more “you” attitude
Grammar and Tone
Overall, the tone of the letters, resume, and cover letter was positive and formal. There is one minor grammar error:
- In the letters requesting references, “January 31th” should be “January 31st”
Conclusion
Overall, excellent job on the application package! All sections were well-written and relevant to the job description. The resume is very detailed, and the cover letter really shows the passion for being in the medical field. Here is a summary of suggested edits:
- Making the third and fourth paragraphs of the cover letter more concise by highlighting technical skills
- Switching the Educations and Skills section in the resume
- Keeping relevant experiences for the care aide position in the resume
- Separating technical and soft skills in the Skills section of the resume
- Adding an Interests section to the resume
- Establishing a more personal connection with the reader in the second letter
- Phrasing the letters with a “you” attitude
- Changing the minor grammar error in the letters requesting references
If you have further questions, feel free to contact me any time.
Best,
Ashley
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