Assignment 4:1 : Peer Review of Job Application Package Draft

To:  Junrong Zhu, English 301 Student Writer

From: Roxanne Robles, English 301 Student Reviewer

Date: December 12, 2020

Subject: Peer Review of Rough Draft of Job Application Package

 

First Impressions

Your application package includes all the assignment’s requirements and fulfills expectations. You concisely provide relevant and sufficient information to highlight your qualifications and desire for the job.

Job Advertisement

• Job advertisement has been included in package with MLA formatted citations at the top of the page.
• Placing the MLA documentation at the bottom can help distinguish the citation from the ad and allow for better formatting of the document.

Cover Letter

• Your cover letter is concise, well organized and well written. It also follows the same structure, formatting and layout that is highlighted in the textbook.
• Dates, Addresses, an enclosure, and appropriate salutation to the hiring manager is included.
• While conveying a professional tone, you also portray confidence and enthusiastic towards your application by using active voice and action verbs.
• If possible, include your actual signature to personalize the salutation. Since your name is written twice, it is a bit unclear and confusing. If it is not possible, then keep only one of the names included.

Resume

• Resume is effective and concisely includes all relevant information that highlight skills and what may apply to the job.
• The appropriate contact information is included to allow for prospective employers to reach you and included objective aligns is tailored to the advertised job.
• Descriptions for experiences are concisely written with key words and action verbs.
• Format of resume follows example in text (scan able resume). Although format is ok, since this job application’s resume will not be scanned, since it will be uploaded online as indicated on job ad’s website, a different formatting or template may be best for clarity and easier reading.
• Using a different formatting, i.e. bullets and date placements, for various sections, such as “Education” and “Experience”, can help descriptions look less cluttered and easier to read. Same goes for “Activities” and “Achievement and Awards”
• There is a bit of inconsistent spacing between the “Education” and “Experience” sections, as well as the year, “2019” far off into the margin in “Achievement and Awards”
• To improve consistency of styling, some sections use “Time New Roman” while others use “Cambria (Body)”
• To shorten document, maybe include details in “Achievement and Awards” into the “Education”.

Reference Request Letters

• All request letters follow appropriate email format and all requests are clearly and respectfully made.
• Emails have a professional yet friendly tone, while effectively using You-attitude.
• All necessary information is included for prospective reference, such as job title, job advertisement and resume.
• Proper punctuation and a positive tone is used.
• Thankfulness is expressed and proper salutation is used at the end.

Grammar and Expression

Minor grammatical errors were found.

Cover Letter

• “Being a full-time student, I graduated with Summa Cum Laude and was involved in extra-curricular activities as a leader while working part-time.” à The tenses of the verbs are inconsistent, with “being” and “graduated”; “was” and “working”.

Reference Letter # 1

• “Thank you again for referring me to my current computer science program at UBC last year, and this program has been an inspiring journey for me” -> The conjunction of these 2 sentences give an unclear meaning. For clarity, separate these 2 sentences. Similar case for Reference Letter # 3
• “I am reaching out to you because I am applying for a position as consultant associate with Konrad group, and hoping” ->
  • missing “a” before “consultant”
  • use “am hoping” for consistency verb used in the beginning of sentence
• “job ad” -> to avoid slang, use “advertisement” instead. Similar case for Reference Letter #2

Reference Letter # 2

• “Thank you for your support through this semester and I have improved significantly in this course through your advice and inspiration” -> Clarify what you improved, or use “learned” instead

Reference Letter #3

• “User experience design” -> A capitalized “user” is not needed.
• “And I hope that you are willing to be my referral for this application.” -> Use of “And” is not needed.
• “my performance as the guest service agent” -> Replace “the” with “a”

Concluding Comments

Overall, you have a compelling and well-written application package. You concisely emphasize your skills and knowledge according the advertised job, while conveying enthusiasim and confidence. With the following changes, it will help strength and improve your package:

• Ensuring consistent fonts are used in resume
• Adjusting format of the resume for a cleaner and easier to read look
• Fixing the minor grammatical errors and adjust any unclear sentences

 

Thank you for an excellent package, I had a pleasure reviewing it. Please contact me if you have any questions or require additional clarification.