To: Quentin Michalchuk, Author
From: Eugenia Fasciani, Reviewer
Date: October 5, 2020
Subject: Peer Review of Parathion Definition
Dear Quentin,
Hope you had a good weekend. Thank you for providing a wonderful definition of parathion. I had heard of the term in passing, but only in reading your definition could I get a better understanding of what it is and how it functions.
Below is my analysis as a peer reviewer and a link to your original assignment.
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First impressions
After reading through the material for the first time, I found the writing style to be articulate and coherent. As a neophyte to the world of ecotoxicology, I posses fairly rudimentary knowledge of parathion, believing it to be an insecticide that was banned by the FAO solely for its detrimental effects on the environment. The information presented in the expanded definition provided a clear overview of the topic in a way that was both concise, and easy to understand for a general audience.
With regard to the definition itself, I have a couple of lingering questions. What are the physical properties of parathion? Is there a drug or pesticide that acts like parathion, but without the same levels of toxicity? I am confident that the farmer in the scenario would benefit from being able to recognize parathion should he/she ever encounter it. There is also an opportunity to expand on the definition by providing a short compare and contrast analysis that would help to showcase how parathion fits into a larger category by discussion its connection to another substance. Overall, a very strongly written piece of work with very little revision needed mainly for contextual purposes.
Purpose
The objective of the definition aligned with the instructions given for the assignment and was presented shortly after the introduction. While it is easy to deviate from the purpose when describing something of this nature, at no point did the definition stray from its goal throughout the document.
Comments and suggestions
The effort to make this definition accessible to a hypothetical farmer and a general audience is not lost on me. As someone who is relatively unfamiliar with the subject, I am grateful that you defined terminology relating to chemistry (e.g. acetylcholine in paragraph two). Acting on the same vein, I would encourage you to continue doing this by including a brief explanation of acetylcholinesterases, as I struggle to recall if this is an enzyme of sorts.
Organization
My sincerest compliments on the layout of your document! I commend you on putting together well-thought out paragraphs that are summarized by the appropriate headings, ensuring a natural flow of information that ties in well together. Furthermore, I find that the visuals used throughout your work are relevant to the material that you were trying to convey.
The incorporation of several different techniques enrich your expanded definition making it appear robust and to the point. The methods of expansions that have been identified include:
- History
- Operating Principle
- Analysis of Parts
- Visuals
- Examples
In line with the requirements of the assignment, the expansion methods used and the manner in which they are deployed, work well to outline virtually all aspects of the concept without overwhelming the reader. There is a delicate balance between explaining in technical terms what the chemical functions of the drug are and how these reactions manifest as physical symptoms. This is done particularly well and no doubt it is elevated by a combination of techniques arranged in this write-up.
The individual sections are logically organized, and each topic sentence is stated with purpose and accuracy. From the very last section, I am missing a concluding sentence that would summarize the ideas explored in your definition. I would also recommend taking a second look at the citation requirements for MLA/APA formatting as I see some inconsistencies with the way that your references are cited at the end of the assignment.
Final impression
I wholeheartedly enjoyed reading your work and I hope you continue to develop your skills as a writer. It was pleasing to have learned something new and outside of my realm of knowledge today. The expanded definition you provided was thoughtful and engaging, leading me to consider the wider implications of the use of pesticides such as parathion.
In summary of my analysis as a peer reviewer, first I would slightly expand your definition to include the physical properties of parathion and how it compares to a similar pesticide/drug. Second, it would be beneficial to include a short explanation of any more scientific jargon (e.g. acetylcholinesterases) that is incorporated in your definition. Finally, developing a clearer conclusion and double checking the citation guidelines with regard to your reference list (Purdue Writing Lab is a great resource), will only serve to make your expanded definition all that much stronger.
It is my desire that this will aid you in moving forward with the final revision.
Sincerely,
Eugenia
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Definition under review: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2020wa/2020/09/30/quentin-michalchuk-engl-301-assignment-13-three-definitions/
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