To: Ashley Yuan, ENGL301 Student Writer
From: Jonathan Ho, ENGL301 Student Reviewer
Date: October 21, 2020
Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report Proposal: Improving Accessibility at the American Club Fitness Center in Taipei, Taiwan
Thank you for the proposal submission on Improving Accessibility at the American Club Fitness Center in Taipei, Taiwan. The proposal does an excellent job of illustrating the lack of accessibility options for people with disabilities. Below are some suggestions for improving the proposal:
First Impressions:
The lack of accessibility and inclusion of people with disabilities in a club intended for social and cultural connection is an exceptional finding.
- The suggestion for elevator access is an excellent point; it may be worth emphasizing that the elevator is already present and operational, but restricted for reasons unknown.
Organization:
All sections are structured logically, making the proposal easy to read and follow. Just a couple suggestions:
- The Introduction and Background/Intended Audience sections may be more effective as a combined section, providing all the necessary information at once.
- When using a numbered list (Statement of the Problem), it may be easier for the reader to follow if they are formatted like bullets on separate lines.
Introduction:
A good start with a smooth transition to introducing the problem; however:
- Readers will appreciate a description of what the American Club is, before how it was changed.
- In fact, the first two sentences from the background section would fit perfectly at the start.
Statement of the Problem:
A great expansion of the introduced problem, well done!
Proposed Solution:
All reasonable and good ideas to promote participation and inclusion of members with disabilities.
Scope:
All relevant questions that will provide insight on the feasibility of the proposed solution.
- Since the elevator is mentioned as part of the solution, it should likewise be mentioned in the questions
- Is there a reason the elevator isn’t for club member access?
- Is it inaccessible because of location, size, convenience, security?
Methods, Qualifications, Limitations and Conclusion:
All excellent and thoughtful. The inclusion of the limitation is appreciated as it could considerably impact the study.
Grammar and Technical Errors:
Please see the appropriate sections for minor grammatical and technical errors:
Introduction
- Possible typo of “has” instead of “was” before “renovated and included a fitness center…”
Statement of the Problem
- Using “First” (sentence 5) prepares the reader for a list, whereas an explanation is what follows.
- This sentence is also a good example to condense, try:
- “Without access to fitness facilities, individuals with disabilities may experience early deterioration of their mobility and strength.”
Scope
- Change the last question from a negative to a positive, try:
- “…take to encourage an inclusive culture and attitude towards….”
Conclusion
- Remove “so” before “your approval and support is highly appreciated.”
Final Comments:
Overall, excellent job on a proposal for a report that could transform the club’s culture into one of community and inclusion. I hope my review proves to be beneficial for your future investigation. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns. Again, well done!
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