Reviewer’s Name: Quentin Michalchuk
Author’s Name: Hilton Ma
Date: October 21st, 2020
Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report Proposal – Proposal to License 3D Anatomy Software for Health Science Students at University of British Columbia
Hello Hilton,
Thank you for the excellent proposal to license 3D anatomy software. The research topic is a pressing matter: anatomy software and the ability to virtually learn about the human body is integral across all human physiology and anatomy courses at the University of British Columbia. The well-organized report allows for a clear view into the problem.
Initial Impressions
The proposal is well-written, however there are a few points that will be brought up to help the discussion flow even smoother. The background sufficiently introduces the reader to the context and the problem statement is broken down clearly. The proposed solution is realistic and addresses the immediate issue, and the claims of the scope and methods of the report are honest and supportable. Detail is appropriate and research into the different technologies available will provide more clarity in this regard. With some editing, the report may be powerfully persuasive.
Organization
Overall, the proposal abides by the formal report proposal guidelines, featuring in order of appearance:
- Introduction of the problem with appropriate background
- A problem statement with numbered implications
- A proposed solution that is practical and plausible
- A scope that addresses appropriate questions with regard to the problem statement
- Clear methodology for solving the problem
- Qualifications that support the methodology and a concluding statement
Each section is labelled clearly with a bold heading, ensuring ease of reading. Claims made in the first paragraph, first and third sentences may be further supported with literature and referenced appropriately.
Introduction
The introduction clearly introduces the educational institution in question, providing the necessary background to determine why the problem exists. The introduction does conflict with the subject, however in that it is not clear whether the problem will address the Okanagan campus or all campuses. This must be clarified to determine the scope of inquiry. In addition, the 1st paragraph, 1st sentence “and switch to” could be revised for increased directness.
Statement of Problem
The problem statement concisely addresses the unmet needs of the students enrolled in anatomy courses, namely their difficulty in understanding the complexity of the human anatomy in an online classroom setting. Implications are direct and show the explicit consequences if the problem is left unsolved. In terms of scope, the problem statement may be broadened to address that this can not only affect students of anatomy courses, but those where anatomy may be applied as well.
Proposed Solution
The suggestions are kept restrained as to coherently address the problem without the muddle that multiple possibilities may provide. One possible suggestion would be to push for advertisement of anatomy software in appropriate classes and gaining professor and staff support of the proposed application. Detail into how the author plans to approach this solution such as what licensing may entail, and other such salient elaboration would make this solution even more thorough.
Scope
The scope is thorough and deliverable, taking reality and time constraints into account when addressing areas of inquiry. Perhaps a guiding question that takes student and professor feedback into account when deciding on an application would ensure more opinions are taken into account. Perhaps the wording of “school budget” can be changed to further emphasize the university setting.
Methods
The methods loosely define how the primary data will be collected (consultations and surveys). It might be useful to include the topic of the consultations of the professors, as this will allow for a more concrete plan. How will exploration of the available 3-dimensional anatomy applications and assessment for feasibility be carried out? Clarity in the methodology is key to carrying through with the plan; please ensure appropriate detail is used.
Qualifications
Qualifications to research this topic are evident, as the author is a student in the course and understands the problem faced by students in learning anatomy firsthand. Their experience in courses post- and pre-pandemic allows for easy comparison and analysis of differences in learning resources and quality. However, if the author wishes to delve into the anatomy software, it may prove useful to consult one who knows more about how to assess quality such as a professor or software developer.
Intended Audience
The intended audience for this report is not defined; this may be added after the qualifications section.
Conclusion
The conclusion is convincing in tone and style. Short and adequate, it rounds off the report proposal nicely.
Grammar and Spelling
In addition to the suggestions above, the following grammatical errors have been identified:
Introduction:
- In the first sentence, rephrasing “the COVID-19 virus” to “coronavirus” or “COVID-19” would increase coherency; “online and virtual” is redundant, only one of the two needs to be there
- In the second sentence, rephrasing to make the sentence flow smoothly is necessary: “students that were previously enrolled in hands-on classes on the UBCO campus are deprived of learning …” or something along the lines eliminates the choppy comma after “campus” and clarifies that the hands-on lab-based classes are not occurring in the present
- In the sixth sentence “Through” is awkward and should be replaced with “With”; instead of the ungrammatical hyphen, start a new sentence or add a comma, which would still elicit the pause
Statement of Problem:
- The second sentence does not need the “as a result”; instead, one can state “Provided below are some of the implications”
- The third point would may be rephrased as “superficial student understanding”; “on” can be replaced with “of”
Proposed Solution:
- The comma after “learning resources” can be eliminated
- In the third sentence, the dash may be replaced with a comma
Scope:
- The first sentence should say “these are the areas in which I plan to inquire” instead of “these are the areas I plan to inquiry”
- The second bullet point should have “are” instead of “is”; one could also add “for implementation in an institution of learning” for clarification
Methods:
- The second sentence requires the possessive “their” before “implementation”
- The third sentence should have “interviews” instead of “interview”; both commas should be deleted; it should be clarified what the demand is for
Qualifications:
- The first sentence should be rephrased as to say “a course equivalent to Functional Anatomy” or the “equivalent” should be deleted
- The second sentence may want to clarify “pre- and post-pandemic”
- The final sentence should have the first comma deleted; “provides me this opportunity for the feasibility assessment” can be rephrased as “provides me an opportunity to perform this feasibility assessment” or something similar
Stylistically, ensure to convince the reader that the report is important by playing to their biases (e.g. if the target audience is students, ensure that they are being supported through your argument).
Overall Impressions/Concluding Comments
This document is absolute in its clarity, making a concise argument for the problem statement to be addressed. The proposal defines the problem directly and the scope provides a well-rounded solution to explore. The following is a list of suggestions to hone the passionate argument:
- Increase directness in the introduction
- Broadening the scope of the problem statement
- Salient elaboration provided in the proposed solution
- Increasing methodology clarity
- Adding an intended audience section
- Reviewing the suggested grammar and spelling suggestions
- Incorporating a more persuasive style
This review can guide revisions for a final document that is convincing and persuasive, even greater than the previous version,
Best,
Quentin Michalchuk
Link to the original Formal Report Proposal: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2020wa/2020/10/14/assignment-2-1-formal-report-proposal-4/
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