To: Rodrigo Samayoa
From: Mitchell Prost
Date: October 21, 2020
Subject: Peer Review of Research Proposal
Hello Rodrigo,
Your Research Proposal asks some excellent questions and is targeting an interesting problem. I thoroughly enjoyed reading your proposal! Please find my comments below.
Initial Impressions
I found your proposal to be quite excellent. You thoughtful introduced the background of your topic and led the reader through some history and context that allowed me to understand why this proposal is necessary.
Organization
Your proposal is well organized. It provides a solid flow of information that is easy to understand and easily connects the different sections well. The format that you have chosen, with headings in larger fonts and bolded text, allows the reader to visually segment the different sections, allowing for clear distinctions in topics.
Scope and Methodology
In your scope, you clearly identify the methods through which you will address the problem your proposal is tackling. Your first idea, to perform a brief literature search, is clear, however, there is less clarity in how you will gain information from other cooperatives and community groups. It would be helpful to include more information on this topic. Some questions I have when reading this part are: “How will Rodrigo gain this information?,” “What specific methods will Rodrigo use to reach out to these cooperatives and community groups?,” “What are these cooperatives and community groups?,” and “Will Rodrigo use surveys, phone call interviews, and/or in person interviews to gain information?” Including answers to some of these questions will increase clarity on how you will conduct your research.
Technical Errors and Omissions
I have found a couple sentences that could be rewarded to better reflect the intent of what you are trying to say. I have provided my suggestions below:
Original Sentence:
“The proliferation of the sport has also led to the proliferation of climbing gyms across Canada and North America.”
Suggested revision:
“The increased popularization of the sport has also led to the proliferation of climbing gyms across Canada and North America.’
A citation should be included at the end of the following sentence:
“According to the Climbing Business Journal, the number of commercial climbing gyms has nearly tripled in the past decade, not including all the climbing walls built inside community centres.”
Original Sentence:
“This is why the same group of climbers that revived the existing wall just a few years ago have come together to build a new climbing gym under a climber’s co-operative model.”
Suggested Revision:
“In response to this, the same group of climbers that revived the existing wall just a few years ago have come together to build a new climbing gym under a climber’s co-operative model.”
Original Sentence:
“But the reality of climbing gyms is that they are expensive ventures that require large up-front investments and a large member base to sustain.”
Suggested Revision:
“The reality of climbing gyms is that they are expensive ventures that require large up-front investments and a large member base to sustain.”
Original Sentence:
“These will include works coming from different social movements, including social, environmental, labour and religious.”
Suggested Revision:
“These will include works coming from different movements, including social, environmental, labour and religious movements.”
Final Comments
Overall, I am very impressed by the quality of work in this Research Proposal. Everything was clear and well explained, allowing me to fully understand the issue and why a proposal is necessary. There were a couple small changes that I have suggested, but they are largely grammatical. Great work Rodrigo!
Link to Ridrigo’s Research Proposal: How to increase membership size and engagement for the Rockfish Climbing Co-op
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