Peer Review, Application Package Draft for Renzo Gaviola

TO: Renzo Gaviola, CARE Team Member
FROM: Erica Friedman, CARE Team Member
DATE: March 27th, 2019
SUBJECT: Peer Review of Application Package Draft

Dear Renzo,
I enjoyed reading your application package draft; it illustrates advance planning and enthusiasm in applying for the Residence Advisor position at UBC Residence Life Student Housing and Hospitality Services. Please see my review below that details the many strengths in the package, and several suggestions for improvement, mainly for editing and incorporating You attitude.

First Impressions:
The application is nicely presented, includes ample white space, and a uniform font; the header adds a professional feel. The tone is positive and shows confidence, and an understanding of the desired position.

Job Advertisement:
• Clearly formatted; includes MLA reference

Cover Letter:
• Strong and friendly, shows a clear understanding of UBC Student Housing’s needs and the job description; confidently expresses the candidate’s fit for the position. Examples were given for situations that required empathy, communication/active listening skills, and learning residents’ names
• “Re: Returning Residence Advisor Application”, is not necessary
• Including specific details, such as the date the position was advertised on Erez, addressing the letter to the person in charge of hiring (i.e. including their name), is recommended
• Stating the number of beds/spaces is a great addition; it illustrates insider knowledge of the operation
• Small grammatical error: “please email at renzogaviola@gmail.com” should read: “please email me at….”
• Explaining how your skills and vision align with UBC Student Housing’s wider mission, would increase impact and illustrate that, as an employee, you would advance their goals. For example, from the original:

“My vision is for UBC Student Housing to be a home away from home for the students taking up the 11,796 beds in campus, plus the additional 650 spaces coming from the new Exchange residence building.”

Suggested rephrasing with You attitude:

“UBC Student Housing’s vision is to be a home away from home for the students…..; this is a vision that I wholly identify with.”

Another example:

“Photography, Adobe Photoshop, and Adobe Lightroom are some of my interests which would allow me to create appealing posters for residence programs. I also enjoy using Facebook and Instagram which would be great platforms to promote events to residents.”

Suggested rephrasing with You attitude:

“Promoting UBC Student Housing’s activities with attention-grabbing posters and social media, could increase interest in services and turnout at events. My proven social media (Facebook/Instagram), photographic, and design skills (Adobe Photoshop/Adobe Lightroom), can be applied to advance these goals. For example….”

Mentioning the poster on your LinkedIn profile would be a nice addition.

Resume:
• PDF version is formatted perfectly. Dates on the resume enclosed in the package were misaligned, aligning them would give a “cleaner” effect
• Career objective: clearly stated and relevant to the desired position
• Education: there is a discrepancy with the dates; the start date of September 2017 would make this the 2nd year of studies. Your LinkedIn profile includes studies before UBC, including this detail would clear up the discrepancy, or adding an explanation is recommended
• Including examples for skills learned, especially for the UBC Student Housing and Hospitality Service, would make a stronger impression. From the resume: “Creates monthly programs that bring the residence community closer”; expanding on this with an example would show achievement
• Your LinkedIn profile includes volunteer activities related to event planning and tutoring. Including these experiences on a resume would be valuable, especially for this position, since UBC Student Housing wants employees who like to help others and plan events; volunteering shows initiative, empathy, and a willingness to help people
• The word “speaks” before “fluent English and Filipino” is confusing, and raises questions about competency in writing/reading. “Fluent in English and Filipino” or “mother tongue level” is more suitable
• Editing recommendations for spelling and brevity:

UBC Housing and Hospitality Service
“Briefs residence”
suggested edit: “Briefs residents….”

Original: “Introduced CTYP to eventgoers and discussed the drama classes and shows for the year during the Khatsahlano Festival”

Suggested edit (also shortens to one line):

“Introduced CTYP’s drama classes and show schedule to attendees of the Khatsahlano Festival”

Recommendation Request letters:
• Three recommendations request letters; all clearly state the purpose, are friendly, and succinct
• Providing a copy/link to the job description, especially for those not familiar with UBC Student Housing, might help them to provide a more effective recommendation based on the skills required. This would be most helpful if UBC Student Housing plans to contact them by telephone
• Rephrasing the following sentence for increased clarity:

“Please let me know if you would be willing to become a reference for my job application through renzogaviola@gmail.com.”

Suggested rephrasing:

Please let me know if you are able to provide me with a reference. I can be reached at renzogaviola@gmail.com.

• Rephrasing for You attitude. For example, from Breianne’s letter:

“Having you as a Manager when I was working as a Cineplex employee had taught me valuable skills in teamwork, working under pressure, and working independently. I have learned a lot in my stay at Cineplex and I appreciate the support you have shown as I developed these skills.”

Suggested rephrasing:

“Your leadership style at Cineplex taught me valuable skills about working under pressure, in a team, and independently. Working on your team was rewarding, and the support you gave me through training and encouragement was much appreciated.”

• Andrew’s letter: rephrasing for You Attitude and including examples is recommended. Since Andrew, as your current supervisor at UBC Student Housing, would provide the most valuable recommendation, emphasizing You attitude and on-the-job achievements would likely lead to positive and stronger results.

Concluding Comments:
Great work on the application package; shows significant effort in organizing and writing the content. Your enthusiasm and desire for the position are clear. Reviewing and editing for You attitude would create a greater impact. Thank you, and good luck!

If you have any questions, please contact me at erica.friedman@alumni.ubc.ca.

(link to Renzo’s Application Package Draft)