Peer Review of “Celiac Disease”

To Dylan Flach, ENGL 301 Student

From: Kashish Garg, ENGL 301 Student

Peer Review / Term: Celiac Disease

Thank you for posting your definition assignment for lesson 1:3; it is an informative and enjoyable read. Please see the review of the document below with comments and suggestions for improvement.

First Impressions:

This looks like an impressive document that does a good job at structuring the assignment requirements and providing definitions that can be easily understood by non-technical readers.

Organization:

• The introduction provides a clear description of the assignment objectives and reading situation, and including a description of the assignment task (writing three types of definitions) will improve clarity.
• The bolded and italicized headings improves structure and easy to read, and including a heading for the introduction will improve organization.
• The visual does not include a figure caption below the image or have proper formatting of the source, be sure to refer to the textbook example.
• The document ends with a visual, including a short summary paragraph will improve the cohesiveness of the expanded definition.

Expression 

• The use of a parenthetical definition for ‘glycoprotein’ was excellent, including parenthetical definitions for other technical terms such as ‘human leukocyte antigen’ would further improve understanding.
• Consistent friendly and professional tone
• Some phrases are wordy and can be shortened. For example:
  • “‘The most common clinical symptoms include, but are not limited to” (11 words) can be rewritten as “Common symptoms include” (3 words)
  • “hunter-gatherer lifestyles to that of an agricultural focus” (8 words) can be rewritten as “hunter-gatherer to agricultural lifestyles” (4 words)

Content

• The document is complete and meets all of the assignment requirements; it includes
  • A detailed introduction
  • Three forms of definition
  • Four types of expansion
  • A visual
  • A works cited list

Visuals

• The visual is not correctly labeled or numbered – refer to the textbook example
• As the sentence definition and visual both detail the symptoms of celiac disease, including the original sentence definition and following it with the visual would improve structure of the expanded definition.

Works Cited List:

• More than 3 references are cited
• Does not include correct MLA or APA style

Grammar and Typos:

There are a small number of errors:

• “The most common clinical symptoms include, but are not limited to,  abdominal pain, chronic constipation and/or diarrhea, severe bloating, anorexia, vomiting, fatigue, and iron deficiency anemia.”
  • There should only be one space before ‘abdominal’ instead of two
• The history paragraph uses both past and present tense, editing for consistent tense will improve clarity.

Concluding Comments:

Your definition is well-organized, informative, and interesting to read, thank you. With the following edits, this will be a useful and excellent document:

• Including a description of the assignment task and a bolded heading will improve the quality of the introduction.
• Adding a brief conclusion will be helpful
• Including more parenthetical definitions for technical terms will improve readability
• Shortening wordy phrases will improve conciseness
• Correcting problems with the visual is needed
• Double-checking the Works Cited list
• Proofreading for typos and consistent tense will improve grammar

Thank you and please feel free to ask any questions, it has been a pleasure reviewing this work. Enjoy.

Best,

Kashish Garg