Peer Review of Dylan’s Formal Report Proposal

To: Dylan Flach, ENGL 301 Student

From: Kashish Garg, ENGL 301 Student

Peer Review / Formal Report Proposal

Thank you for posting your formal report proposal for lesson 2:1; it was interesting and informative to read. Please see the review of the proposal below with comments and suggestions for improvement.

First Impressions

This looks like a detailed and well-thought-out proposal that addresses an important real-world problem.

Organization

• The bolded subheadings and proper paragraph spacing makes the proposal well-structured and easy to read.
• The contents of the proposal are correctly ordered as per the textbook example.
• The acronym for ‘Long-Term Care’ is appropriately introduced and used, as the term is used often in the proposal, and choosing acronyms more selectively will improve conciseness.
  • For example, using an acronym for ‘Nutrition Care Plans’ is not necessary as it is only used twice in the proposal.

Expression

• Consistent professional tone
• The use of a reference in the introduction to support your claims was excellent.
• Including a parenthetical definition for the term ‘food security’ would improve understanding as it is used throughout the proposal.
• Some words and phrases can use simpler and more familiar language with fewer syllables. For example:
  • “Subsequently” can be changed to “Then”
  • “crave amendments to their current dietary programming” can be rewritten as “seek changes to their current menu design”
• Some wordy phrases with negative expressions can be made more concise with positive expressions. For example:
  • “of which they do not enjoy” can be rewritten as “they dislike”
  • “do not take into consideration” can be rewritten as “fail to consider” (this would also replace the nominalization ‘consideration’ to its clear verb form ‘consider’, making the sentence easier to read)
• Some wordy phrases include needless prefaces that can be removed. For example:
  • “Food is not only just a means of sustenance, rather it is” (12 words) can be rewritten as “Furthermore, food is” (3 words)
  • “In addition to the inclusion of individual food preferences, the menu is in need of revitalization with culturally diverse and locally sourced food items” (24 words) can be rewritten as “Moreover, including culturally diverse and locally sourced food would revitalize the menu” (12 words) (this would also replace the nominalization ‘revitalization’ to its clear verb form ‘revitalize’)

Content

• The introduction is detailed and does an excellent job at providing a background on the topic and on the cause of the problem.
• The audience description is appropriately chosen; the audience has the authority to act on the proposal’s recommendations.
• The statement of problem and proposed solution are both clear, concise, and relate back to what was discussed in the introduction.
• The scope includes four distinct and well-formed areas of inquiry that are highly relevant to chosen report topic.
  • To expand on your first area of inquiry, it would be interesting to ask how satisfied clients are with the current design menu.
• The methods are clear, varied with real-world and online research, and allows for the areas of inquiry to be explored in depth.
• The qualifications section relates the proposal topic to the individual’s academic and workplace experiences, showing that they are highly qualified.
• The conclusion is well-written and concisely summarizes the major aspects of the proposal

Grammar and Typos

There are a small number of minor errors:

• “To assess the feasibility of implementing a revised menu at Lynn Valley Care Centre that takes into account client preferences, cultural diversity and locally sourced ingredients. I plan to pursue four areas of inquiry.”
  • A comma should be included after ‘diversity’ and the period after ‘ingredients’ should be replaced with a comma.
• To follow correct APA formatting, the journal title (EU Agrarian Law) and volume number (10) of the reference should be italicized.

Concluding Comments

Your proposal is well-organized, informative, interesting to read, and explores an important problem, thank you. This will be a useful and exceptional proposal with the following edits:

• Selectivity with the use of acronyms
• Adding parenthetical definitions for technical terms to improve understanding
• Using simpler language with fewer syllables to improve readability
• Replacing phrases with negative expressions to phrases with positive expressions as mentioned
• Removing wordy phrases with needless prefaces to improve conciseness
• Proofreading for minor grammatical errors

Thank you and please feel free to ask any questions, it has been a pleasure reviewing this work. Enjoy.

Best,

Kashish Garg