Peer Review of Leo’s Research Proposal for Formal Report

To: Leo Kim, member of  Jake’s Friends

From : Jake Moh, member of  Jake’s Friends

Date: February 18th, 2022

Peer Review: Peer Review of Leo’s Research Proposal for Formal Report

 

Thank you for submitting the research proposal for the formal report for lesson 2:1. I really enjoyed reading and reviewing your work. Please refer to the review of the document below with suggestions for improvements.

First Impressions:

The structure is correctly structured with the requirement of the assignment with smooth transitions between topics. The research proposal targets a real-world issue that needs to be addressed and is highly applicable. The years of experience in the financial field provide high credibility and qualification to this research. Although the document is overall well written, there are areas that could be improved specifically on sentence structures and details.

Organization:

• The document is highly organized and structured.
• Unclear as to why the proposal is written for professors in UBC first.
• Readers without financial backgrounds might now understand what “paper security” and online financial service means. A brief definition of the terms could help readers understand the proposal.
• In the introduction, it is stated that “For big amounts, there is no doubt that authorised securities by a bank are safe. But in a relatively small amount we are using in a housing rent or car leasing, it doesn’t really have to be analogue authorised.” this implies that online financial services are not secure however in” statement of problems” it is stated that online financial service is more secure than paper securities, which is a contradiction.
• The statement “Numerous services are available online now, since we have been in the pandemic for the last two years.” could be stronger with data.
• In the last sentence of the introduction, it is unclear what “these factors” refer to.
• The conclusion should start from the details down to the main argument.

Expression:

• Numerous services are available online now, since we have been in the pandemic for the last two years
  • Since the start of the pandemic two years ago, many financial services have transitioned online with many new online services being created.
• But still, Canada’s banking system is conservative, especially in using paper securities even in small amounts.
  • Nonetheless, Canadian’s banking system is holding a conservative stance on using paper securities even for trivial transactions.

Content:

• The document is complete according to the assignment requirements; it includes
  • Audience description
  • Introduction
  • Statement of Problem
  • Proposed Solution
  • Scope
  • Methods
  • My Qualification
  • Conclusion

Grammar and Typos:

• This proposal is written for professors in UBC Sauder first, and then aimed…
  • first, and -> first and
• However it might be worth it if all of these problems are settled properly.
  • However -> However,
• Paperised securities could be counterfeited easily these days, this leads to lots of financial crimes
  • , this ->, which
• Numerous services are available online now, since we have been in the pandemic for the last two years
  • now, since -> now since
• How user experiences for the current securities system are different between the different age groups?
  • How are user experiences different for the current securities system between the different age groups?
  • Within the current securities system, what is the difference between the user experiences between different age groups?

 Concluding Comments:

The research proposal was an interesting read with an idea that is highly applicable that could potentially further help thousands of Canadians conduct online transactions, thank you.  The document is clearly structured and organized written by an author who is highly qualified in finance. With the following edits, suggestions, and a good proofread for small errors, this will be a really useful and excellent document:

• Added clear and detailed explanation
• If possible, using data for stronger argument
• Using consistent logic of an argument
• Reviewing sentence structures
• Checking for minor grammatical errors (Grammarly can help)
• Rereading as the point of the reader

Thank you and please feel free to ask any questions, it has been a pleasure reviewing this document.

Research Proposal for Formal Report – Reducing Use of Paper Securities for Convenience and Safety in Canada Bank Industry