TO: Jen Worsham
FROM: Katherine Chan
DATE: February 18, 2022
SUBJECT: Peer Review / Proposal to Establish a Volunteer Dental Hygiene Clinic at Our Place Society
Thank you for submitting your formal research proposal for lesson 2.1. This proposal is interesting and concisely illustrates a topic that could use improvement. Please find below my thoughts and recommendations.
First impressions:
- Proposal highlights the need for dental care access to people experiencing homelessness
- Although the plan is compelling, the audience description can be more robust by elaborating on Our Place Society
- Is Our Place Society a community centre or shelter?
- Is it one location or many branches?
Overall document layout and design:
- The proposal is neatly organized, which allows the reader to clearly identify and understand the elements of the proposal
Grammar and Typos:
- There are no notable errors in grammar or tense. Excellent work!
Elements of the Proposal
Introduction:
- A bit too concise
- Recommendation: Describe the specific deficiencies in the proposed community
- What is the rate of homelessness in Victoria?
- How does it compare to the percentage in Canada?
Statement of Problem:
- Great job at offering valid reasons for implementing dental hygiene clinic
- There is an opportunity to revise a sentence that is awkward
- “Dental infections that progress unchecked often lead to hospital emergency room visits, which cost the healthcare system thousands, and don’t even resolve the dental issues, as hospitals are not equipped to do dental work.”
- Possible revision: “Dental infections that progress unchecked often lead to hospital emergency room visits, which cost the healthcare system thousands. Moreover, hospital emergency rooms are not equipped for dental procedures.”
Proposed Solution:
- The proposed solution is logical and attainable. Good job!
- The first sentence can be revised to sound more convincing and concise.
- “Though dental hygienists cannot personally address dental decay or infections, they can screen clients during preventive care visits and give the patient warning that an issue is occurring, hopefully allowing the patient time to work on accessing dental care before an infection becomes an emergency.
- Possible revision: “Dental hygienists can provide affordable routine care and help prevent dental decay or infections before they develop.”
Scope:
- Succinct and relevant questions were developed that address the goals of her proposal
- Questions are both, specific and measurable, which persuade the audience that her proposal can impact the area of homelessness
- Recommendation: Include one more question about how much money would be saved for Our Place by implementing this volunteering dental hygiene program
Methods:
- Proposed methods appear to be reliable, since both types of sources of information are directly from the audience description
- To be more specific, she could include details for the number of staff and community members she intends to interview:
- How many community members live in Our Place Society?
- Does staff mean executive directors or other Housing staff?
Qualifications:
- Her stated qualifications clearly indicate her expertise in this subject area and how her experiences or skills as a professional dental hygienist have motivated her selection of this topic
Conclusion:
- Conclusion summarizes the gist of the described problem and connects it to the uniqueness of her position as a dental hygienist to address the problem
- She could have referred back to the scope or methods to specify how she intends on providing preventative care for more serious oral problems
I hope my recommendations are helpful as you complete this assignment. Please let me know if you have any questions. Good luck!
Enclosure: Proposal to Establish a Volunteer Dental Hygiene Clinic at Our Place Society
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