To: Han Li
From: Anna Li
Date: February 17, 2022
Subject: Review of Proposal for Enhancing COVID Protection for On-campus Dining at UBC
Thank you for submitting the proposal, it is such an interesting and important topic for AMS to act on now. Please see below for suggestions for improvements.
First Impressions:
This is a well-written proposal including all components of the research proposal with a specific target audience.
Organization:
- Bold headings are well-used to improve users’ reading experience.
- This proposal includes all the requirements for a research proposal with a proper conclusion .
Introduction:
- The introduction is explicit with background introduction and the importance to act on the phenomenon; however, the cause of the problem weights a little in the introduction section while they are just as important as the background introduction. Considering add some analysis of the cause of the problem.
Statement of Problem:
- Two reasons for the problem are mentioned in this section, but with a little description of the problem. Considering expand the problem description, such as answering what is the implication? The causes of the problem should be stated in the introduction as examples in the textbook.
Proposed Solution:
- This is a well-written solution with a clear and detailed description to help the reader understand how the baffle board work.
Scope:
- This is a well-defined scope; however, as UBC has many private-owned restaurants, can you make it clear about does the dining area you plan to work on includes those private-owned restaurants? If it does, make sure you expand your scope on cooperating with private businesses.
Methods:
- Good choice of selecting methods which including not only engagement of students but also reference to online resources.
- Conducting a survey to students to get feedback is crucial, do design the survey to hear from students.
My Qualifications:
- This is a well-explained blurb of why you are capable of conducting this research. Your skillsets from your previous work experience seem to match with what is needed for this research.
Conclusion:
- This is a short but strong conclusion to summarize your proposal.
Expression:
- The overall expression is professional and friendly.
- Be careful with the clarity within the sentence, such as
- “This baffle can effectively avoid sneezing and coughing.”
- The statement leads to ambiguity. The baffle does not avoid sneeze and cough, it is only a tool to prevent the virus that travels through sneeze and cough from further spreading in the space.
- Considering using positive tone, such as:
- “If coronavirus were to continue to be diagnosed on campus, it would cause panic among the rest of the UBC students and affect the university’s reputation.”
- Considering modifies the sentence to “if coronavirus …., we should be prepared to implement related measurements to reduce the transmission while dining on campus as it is also a matter of UBC’s reputation for prioritizing students’ safety.
Concluding Comments:
Overall, the proposal is easy to read and presented with a clear statement of rationale and possible solution.
- Self-editing sentence expression with a negative tone.
- Rearrange the statement of causes to the introduction section and put more description on the problem statement.
- Be sure to include a survey in your research method.
- Consider adding a scope as suggested above.
Hope the review helps, and thank you for reading it through! please feel free to contact me if you have any questions!
Link to Han Li’s formal proposal report: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99c-2021wc/2022/02/15/formal-research-proposal/
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