To: Jackson Kuan
From: Duffy Du, The Commas Writing Team Member
Date: Feb 18, 2022
Subject: Review of Formal Proposal Report
Thank you for submitting the research proposal. The issues discussed are very prevalent in students majoring in science. Please see below for some comments and suggestions for improvements.
First Impressions
- Well-written proposal with sufficient details on the research question, implication, and research methods regarding the topic
Organization
- Excellent division of sections with subheadings
- Followed a problem to solution format which makes the proposal easy to follow
Introduction
- Provided good background on the current state of organic chemistry courses
- Emphasized the implication of quality organic chemistry education in students’ career outcomes and their future
Statement of Problem
- Clearly stated the problem and provided some suspected causes of the problem
Proposed Solution
- A very feasible solution provided, but the wording of the paragraph makes it sound like a one size fits all solution which is usually not the best solution in education
- Perhaps providing a variety of resources that provide different perspectives and explanations on the same concept would allow students to pick and choose the preferred method of learning is better
- The previously mentioned problem of “heavy focus on excelling in examinations” needs a possible solution to be provided
Scope
- Clearly stated the scope of the research
- TA availability outside classroom might also be a topic of interest for your research as they comprise a large part of the teaching team
- Focusing on the effectiveness of the marking scheme (how points are awarded for correct and incorrect answers) may seem limiting. Investigating the various methods of evaluation could provide extra insight. As previously mentioned, current student evaluations are heavily based on examinations. Perhaps some other forms of evaluation will better test the student’s knowledge rather than multiple choices.
Methods
- Very good primary research method of consulting an expert in the field
- Opinions of both the students and the teaching team are accounted for
My Qualifications
- Great qualifications with strong background in organic chemistry and prior experience in education research
Conclusion
- Clearly summarized the proposal and calling for action is well done
Expression
- Professional tone throughout the entire writing
- Excellent flow between ideas with minimal grammatical errors
- One minor grammatical error: “For many students, this teaching model is ineffective and does not provide students the many opportunities to practice and learn from their mistakes.” Omit “the” and maybe change to “provide students ample opportunities”
- Reduce negativity in the sentences: change “If the quality of organic chemistry education is poor, students will not seek out life sciences and chemistry based careers” to “Poor quality of organic chemistry education decreases the chances of students seeking out life sciences and chemistry based careers”
Concluding comments:
Overall, a very well-written research proposal with lots of details. Only a couple of things to improve for final proposal:
- Rephrase the solution to embrace diversity in student learning and incorporate a solution to the problem of heavy emphasis on examinations
- Integrate TA and other teaching team member availability into the scope of research
- Fix minor grammatical errors and reduce negativity in sentences
I hope the review will provide some insights into what to improve on for the formal proposal report. Feel free to contact me any time if you have any questions!
Link to Jackson Kuan’s formal proposal report: Proposal for Assessing the Quality of Education within Organic Chemistry
Thank you,
Duffy Du
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