To: Carol Li, English Student Writer
From: Lucy Li, English Student Reviewer
Date: February 18th, 2022
Subject: Review of Formal Report Proposal: Proposal for expediting FSW-inland applications
Thank you for submitting the research proposal for expediting FSW-inland applications. It was interesting to read and clearly state the situation that is happening now. I have outlined the areas of improvement needed. Please see suggestions below:
First Impressions:
The proposal is well-written and follows all the instructions and sample proposals from the course textbook. In addition, the overall document is easy to follow and includes all the required components of the assignment.
Organization and layout:
– The subheadings are bolded and describe what the following section is about.
Audience Description:
– The proposal is directed to the current Minister of Immigration, who can act on the recommendation from the proposal.
Introduction:
– The introduction provides a good description of the situation this proposal wants to improve on.
– The use of data information in the introduction allows the situation to be measurable and provides precise numbers to represent the severity of the situation.
– One suggestion is to add a transition phrase in the first paragraph at the beginning of the sentence “A recent memo…” will make the paragraph flow better.
Statement of Problem:
– The problem presented is clear and provides a good understanding of the problem. However, changing the negatives in writing will make the proposal more convincing. For example:
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- Example: “This inconsiderate policy and lengthy waiting agony have significantly affected millions of lives in Canada and created a huge complaint on the internet”
- Rewrite: “Improving the policy and decreasing the wait time will significantly affect the millions of lives in Canada and prevent a huge complaint on the internet.”
Proposed solution:
The proposed solutions are well-written with a detailed description for the reader to understand the different solutions well.
– The three listed phases complement each other and can result in a strong final solution to the situation. However, since there are three phases to improve on, the report may become lengthy. Keep in mind that the target length of the report is 12-15 pages double spaced.
Scope:
– The scope is well-defined and addresses different areas of inquiry.
Methods:
– The plan of surveying and interviewing the applicants will be very helpful for your research and within the time restraint of the assignment.
Concluding comments:
Overall, your proposal is straight to the point and proposes a solution that can positively benefit many individuals. Your ability to extract helpful information from online searching demonstrates your qualification to research from the websites and academic studies about IRCC. With the following changes, it will better the proposal:
– Avoid writing negative
– Make use of transition phrases
– Keep in mind that the reports target length
Please contact me if you have any further questions or need further clarification. Well Done!
Best,
Lucy Li
Link to Carol Li’s formal report proposal: Formal Report Proposal – Expediting FSW-inland applications
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