To: MinZhang Si, UBC Student
From: Kenny Colosie, Fellow Student, UBC.
Date: February 11th, 2022
Subject: Review of Your Formal Report Proposal: Determining the Feasibility of Employment Engagement Programs
Hello MinZhang, I have reviewed the first draft of your formal report proposal and you have done a great job following the template for the proposal and providing a compelling proposal for your manager to review. Below, I have made a few comments and suggestions for your review that you may want to include in your final version.
Initial Impressions
Upon my initial read through the report proposal, I was left wondering about a particularly important topic, budget. In most companies, the reason that there is no social activities is due to a lack of budget. You may want to expand your research to include some research on free vs. company sponsored events and investigate what the budget is.
Organization:
Your proposal is well organized and has overall good flow. The headings are appropriate and bolded. You have addressed the proposal correctly to Professor Paterson.
Introduction:
Your introduction could be stronger: I have re-written it as follows and include some comments in brackets:
Overall job satisfaction of Employees is important to an organizations daily operation and long term development. (make a statement here that sticks). Employees who have higher job satisfaction are likely to produce higher productivity. (brevity). Salary and benefits are prime drivers of job satisfaction, however, relationships between employees are also a key ingredient.
Employee engagement programs (eliminate the word can, once again, make a strong statement here, we need to hook your manager to read the rest of the proposal) promote strong social ties which increase productivity and communication amongst the workforce. (brevity). Organizations that invest in employee engagement strategies such as meditation sessions or sport clubs will see higher productivity. (less wordy and still got the point across).
The full text without comments is as follows:
Overall job satisfaction of Employees is important to an organizations daily operation and long term development. Employees who have higher job satisfaction are likely to produce higher productivity. Salary and benefits are prime drivers of job satisfaction, however, relationships between employees are also a key ingredient.
Employee engagement programs promote strong social ties which increase productivity and communication amongst the workforce. Organizations that invest in employee engagement strategies such as meditation sessions or sport clubs will see higher productivity.
Statement of Problem:
The Statement of the problem is well defined. However, I believe you could be more concise in third sentence:
First, employees within the same department and others do not interact with each other which leads to less efficient communication.
Proposed Solution:
The proposed solution is very vague. I would suggest narrowing this down so that it is an actual solution. Do you want to create an employee morale committee? Start a social club?
Scope:
The scope is well defined and is a great start for a survey. As mentioned above, I would also reach out to your company regarding possible budget constraints.
Methods:
Your proposed methodology seems sound and reasonable. Good use of primary and secondary sources!
Qualifications:
Your qualifications are well laid out and should provide the reader with sufficient confidence to continue reading the remainder of the report.
Conclusions:
Your conclusion is good but I would recommend re-stating your methodology here.
I have revised the conclusion below:
“Action is necessary regarding social engagement to increase job satisfaction at Michell. By using interviews, surveys and secondary source information, I will determine what programs are best suited for Mitchell Ltd. With your approval, I will begin research at once.”
Final Notes
Overall this is a great start to your report, I am excited to read the final report when it is completed. Feel free to reach out to me if you would like to discuss this further when you reach the research stage. I may be able to provide some further feedback due to my related experience in this area.
Link to Definition
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