To: Carol Li, ENGL 301 Student
From: Anna Li, ENGL 301 Student
Date: March 19, 2022
Subject: Review of Formal Report Draft -Feasibility Analysis of Expediting FSW-inland applications
Thank you for submitting your formal report draft on expediting the FSW-inland application. It is such an important and yet interesting writing. Below are some recommendations for improvement.
First impression:
- This is a well-structured report with headings to each section as well as its subsection.
- Too much emphasis was given on reasoning for this report but little writing on recommendations.
- Effective headings and subheadings are used.
- Overall the report is easy to follow, and each part is logically connected.
Content:
Background on FSW-inland applicants
- The introduction is informative and well-written, which provides the current situation for readers, and also the urgency of moving FSW immigration cases forward with comparison to CEC,
- In the third paragraph, if you can make some reference to second your statement, it would be more convincing.
Purpose and Intended Audience:
- This section is explicit and on point for the reader to understand your request.
Method of Inquiry:
- Well-explained on why each data were chosen to present.
- Avoid using the pronoun “my”, instead, rewrite the sentence to: “The primary data comes from IRCC official website, survey, and interviews with….”
Limitation of Study:
- Limitation of study is not required in a formal report.
Statement of the problem:
- Statement of the problem is well addressed, reasons for why FSW should be prioritized is also included, however, when present the reasons, reference to related reports or data is recommended.
Scope of this inquiry:
- The inquiry is well-written which includes the main issues this report would focus on.
Conclusion of the inquiry:
- This section can be omitted as you have already stated in your inquiry above.
Collected Data:
- A detailed explanation of survey question design and also survey results for each question.
- Figures are not well-labeled in MLA style. Please check how to label figures for MLA.
- Part A of the data sections looks like a survey result analysis, which is acceptable but tries to integrate it with your writing, which could increase coherence for your whole analysis.
- Part B of the data sections is not finished yet, please work on this part as well.
Conclusion:
- Part A is not finished yet, please keep working on this part.
- A list of recommendations is listed with an explanation; however, reference to other reports or literature, and your survey results in terms of the feasibility of the recommendation are encouraged so it makes your recommendation stronger to present.
Work Cited:
- Please make sure your reference is in MLA format even if it is a website.
Brevity, Grammar, and Word Choice:
- There were some grammar issues, such as:
- in the collected data section under a. Waiting time, “We can see that no one’s waiting period less than 6 months…for 13-18 months”. Revise to “.. period is less than 6 months…half of the applicants…”
- The title of c. “The impact of longer waiting period” should be “c. The impact of a longer waiting period ”
- Also, there were several minor grammar issues throughout the report, please double-check your grammar.
- A word choice issue about your report title, as the report is named in “Feasibility Analysis of Expediting FSW-inland applications”, but the whole report spends only a small part how recommendations and the feasibility of the recommendation are not even included. Consider renaming your report.
Design and Style:
- The report conveys your attitudes through your wording.
- Font size is too small which may create reading hardship.
- Lack of content table and page number for the reader to navigate through the report.
- Please include correct MLA in-text citation and reference when making references and including graphs.
- Your figures’ style is not consistent with each other, for example, some survey result is presented in a pie chart, some are in a bar with an orange shade, and some are in a red shade. This may cause confusion. Consider using the same graph style for each survey result.
- When inserting a graph, make sure they are not in the same line as other sentences.
Summary:
Overall the formal report is well organized and easy to follow. Please consider the following recommendations for the final report:
- Including correct MLA reference
- Including a table of content and page number
- Self-edit grammar issue
- Working on the unfinished part
- Considering writing more on feasibility about your recommendation
Hope the advice I provided is helpful for your final report! feel free to contact me if you have any questions!
Link to Carol’s report:https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99c-2021wc/2022/03/16/memo-formal-report-draft/
Leave a Reply