To: Ben Maxfield, Member of Jake’s Friends
From: Leo Kim, Member of Jake’s Friends
Date: March 19, 2022
Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report First Draft
Thank you for submitting a formal report draft “Improving the Quality and Accessibility of Financial Literacy Resources at the University of British Columbia”. Your subject is interesting to me and I spent enjoyable time reviewing your first draft. You have done wonderful writing already, in providing a well formed format and strong evidence based on the survey you have collected from the students. Following suggestions for further improving the formal report draft.
Initial Impression:
The report provides an ambitious and valuable assessment of the quality of AMS and UBC financial literacy resources and efficient recommendations for improving the quality of such resources. The strength of this report draft is easily described what financial literacy is and how we can approach that.
Organisation:
The formal report is well organised with the headings and bolded subheadings, and litalic bullet points.
Introduction:
Four parts with the definition, background, purpose and scope are well formed and clearly suggested. Below comments would help to improve stronger introduction.
- Other parts suit for the introduction, otherwise “Common Financial Products” seems unsuitable for in the middle instruction. The suggestion is moving this part between the introduction and data section.
Data Section:
The data section includes findings and interpretation of the survey. Also this section clearly states the problem.
- “Existing UBC Financial Literacy Resources” is well formed, but adding 1 – 2 figures makes it easier for readers to understand. For example, how to access those resources on UBC websites.
- Adding one clear sentence that indicates a lack of resources makes it more helpful.
- Adding more details about the reasons would be better to understand.
- On the survey section, interpretations are suggested well, but that could not be led to why UBC needs to have more resources for financial literacy. Making one sentence short-conclusion makes a more connectable paragraph.
Conclusion:
This section clearly summarises the findings and interpretations about the suggested data, with some recommendations for audiences.
- One suggestion is briefly stating the reason why specifically set the hours of mandatory class. Is there any reason for that?
Grammar and Technical Errors:
Tiny grammar mistakes following
- A review of literature describing financial literacy education at the higher-education yields and … -> an or any types of articles I think.
- After review of financial literacy education best practices, the following three primarily … -> primary.
The style rules for MLA which are not on this paper based on MLA 8th guideline
- Font size 12 for the whole paper including cover page and contents table.
- Page numbering should be in the upper right position with your surname.
- Date on the cover page.
- Captions for figure and table should be below those.
Concluding Comments:
Overall, your proposal draft is interesting and well organised writing. It has also the power that can make the necessity and lack of financial literacy education in UBC. With following edits and suggestions, your writing will be a more perfect and useful document.
- Adding more details for your argument with data and references.
- Editing tiny grammatical errors.
- Revising introduction structure.
- Following accurate MLA style rules.
- Roughly re-read as the point of the reader.
Thank you and please let me know if you have any questions by leoloeloe@student.ubc.ca, it has been an interesting read. Good luck for your final writing!
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