To: Dylan Flach, ENGL 301 Student
From: Trisha Bhamra, ENGL 301 Student
Date: March 19, 2022
Subject: Peer Review of Feasibility Analysis of the Implementation of a Diversified Menu at Lynn Valley Care Centre
Thank you for providing me with the opportunity to peer review you report. Please let me know if you have any questions.
First impressions:
The paper was well organized into appropriate sections as per assignment guidelines, included adequate references, visuals, clear explanation of the results and good recommendations for Lynn Valley Care Center.
Please see below for notes on each section based on the content, organization, style and design.
| Content | Organization | Style | Design | |
| Title page | Meets the MLA requirements | Well organized | Meets the MLA requirements | Meets the MLA requirements |
| Introduction | More statistics about the malnutrition could be useful here
Some topics discussed in data section need to be addressed in the introduction. For example, explaining the importance of nutrition assessment in LTC, how is food assessed- what components do we consider (macro nutrients and micronutrients) |
Initial paragraph could be separated into two. One long paragraph can be hard to read and follow | Grammar errors need to be addressed
Tone is objective and positive |
Introduction is reader friendly and could benefit from slightly better organization of the background information |
| Purpose of the report | Clear and concise | Well organized
|
Positive and you attitude is evident | This section is reader friendly |
| Scope | Clear and concise | Well organized | Positive and you attitude is evident | This section is reader friendly |
| Conclusions of inquiry | Redundant as the content was already mentioned in the purpose section | Well organized | Positive and you attitude is evident | This section is reader friendly |
| Data
Sources of food dissatisfaction 1. Quality of food 2. Quantity of food 3. Presentation of food 4. Personal cultural and religious preferences |
concise, clear data is stated | Well organized | Positive tone | Graphs and tables are very useful in visualizing the data gathered |
| Assessment of menu and long-term nutrition care plans. | Detailed statistics regarding macronutrients and micronutrients from the sample menu is presented. Well done.
Sufficient secondary research supports the data gathered
|
The paragraphs are too bulky. The information should be spread into multiple paragraphs with proper indentations separating the paragraphs.
Review grammar |
Positive tone | Visually it is hard to read the very long paragraphs and keep track of information. |
| Assessment of culturally-relevant food practice | Concise and clear | Well organized | Positive tone | Easy to read |
| Conclusion
Summary and overall interpretation of findings |
Repeated use of “in the area of” throughout the paper is odd. Instead say “Regarding” | Well organized | Positive tone
Review the grammar |
Easy to read |
| Recommendations | Repeated use of “ in order to or in order for” | Well organized | Positive tone
|
Tables are useful in understanding the recommendation |
| References | Meets the MLA requirements | Well organized and sufficient sources used | Meets the MLA requirements | Meets the MLA requirements |
Overall, the strengths of the paper include:
- Meets the requirements of MLA style and the instructor.
- Sufficient primary and secondary research is used
- Well organized with appropriate sections and has plenty of visuals to enhance understanding of the data.
- Some areas are concise and clear
- The use of tables to break up the text is great. Makes it easy for the reader to follow the information presented.
Limitations of the paper include:
- Review the grammar to minimize the use of run on sentences, redundant words
- Introduction should include background information for all topics researched and considered in the paper
- Repeated use of “in the area of”. Please find alternate ways of saying this.
- Some areas could be more concise
Enclosure:
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