Revised Peer Review of “Feasibility Analysis of Improving Inclusiveness Environment in UBC international Navigator Club”

To: Christine Hsiao – ENG 301 Student

From: Dhara Bhatt – ENG 301 Student

Date: March 20, 2022

Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report Draft

Thank you for submitting a formal report draft on the “Feasibility analysis of improving the inclusiveness environment in UBC’s international navigator club“. This draft is well-constructed and tackles a meaningful issue within the UBC community. It is clear that you have put a lot of thought and effort into your work. There are only a few minor revisions and suggestions as laid out in this peer review.

First Impressions

• Well-organized and covers the importance of having an inclusive environment in UBC’s international navigator club.
• Provides a thorough background on the current state of cliques forming in the club, and the exclusion of those who have a different background from the majority.
• Thoughtful consideration given to the perspectives of various members (ie. noting that some members find there to be no issue with the current state of the club).
• Provides sensitive solutions to improving the environment, including training inclusive leaders, promoting inclusiveness in group settings, and providing opportunities for open feedback.

Organization

• Successfully incorporates required components
  • title, letter of transmission, table of contents, abstract, introduction, data section, conclusion, at least three figures, references and appendix
• Draft is correctly paginated
• Subheadings and headings cleanly divide the material into readable chunks of text

Title Page

• Title fully covers the scope of the formal report
• Includes intended readers, author, and date as specified in the instructions
  • Unsure about the “Technical Writing Instructor” audience label – could use some clarification
  • International should have a capital “I” to maintain consistent capitalization

Table of Contents

• Table of contents page is properly organized with the correct indentation for subsections

Introduction

• Effectively introduces the purpose of the International Navigators club
• Clearly indicates the nature of the problem that the report is tackling
• The proposed solution should be more clearly defined within the introduction
• Minor grammar/spelling revisions:
  • “Many school websites and workplaces has mentions creating the inclusive cultural eventually will….” => “Many school websites and workplaces mention that creating an inclusive cultural environment will…”
  • “Start of winter 2021/2022, we found” => “Starting winter 2021/2022, we found…” OR “During the start of winter 2021/2022, we found…”

Data Section

• Figures are sourced and meaningfully convey necessary information (ie. Figure 1 provides a holistic look at the factors that contribute to an inclusive environment)
• Sentences should never begin with a numbered percent
  • 64% of the participants think… => Sixty-four percent of the participants think…
• Minor grammar/spelling revisions:
  • “From the distribution pie chart that there are no participants…” => “From the distribution pie chart, there are no participants that chose…”
  • “most members are comfortable to speak up in the club but lack of opportunity to provide feedback because they…” => “most members are comfortable to speak up in the club but lack the opportunity to provide feedback because they…”
• The inclusion of the limitations of survey subsection is a nice addition

Conclusion

• Summary of findings and interpretation of findings need to be fleshed out
• Recommendations are numbered and provide clear and feasible suggestions
• The first word of every suggestion could be altered for a more assertive recommendation (ie. Educating the…. => Educate the International Navigator executives…)

Style

• Tone is objective and positive throughout the paper
• Provides an optimistic lens on the scope of improvement for the issue at hand

Design

• Well-structured and organized with clear headings, subheadings and relevant figures
• Figure 2 and Figure 3 could be moved up closer to their initial mention in the report

Concluding Comments

As a whole, this report conveys the necessary information about the inclusiveness environment in the UBC International Navigator Club. It is nicely organized and approaches the topic with sensitivity and thoughtfulness. There are only a few areas of revision:

• Another comb through of the material to fix any grammar errors
• Restructuring the position of relevant figures amidst the text

Altogether, you have done an excellent job with your formal report and are on the right track for having a polished final product on the inclusiveness environment in UBC’s International Navigator Club. If you have any questions or concerns about the feedback and suggestions, please do not hesitate to email me at dharab@student.ubc.ca. It was a pleasure reading your work.