To: MinZhang Si, UBC Student
From: Kenny Colosie, Fellow Student, UBC.
Date: March 20th, 2022
Subject: Review of Your Formal Report Draft: Determining the Feasibility of Employment Engagement Programs
Hello MinZhang, I have reviewed the first draft of your formal report and you have done a great job following the outline for the report and providing a compelling argument for your manager to review. Below, I have made a few comments and suggestions for your review that you may want to include in your final version.
Initial Impressions
Upon my initial read through the report draft, it is well written and convincing to the reader. Your use of visuals is well thought out and provides context to the report that otherwise may have been lost on the reader. Further, the use of different colours for different segments adds another detail to make the graphs and tables pop out of the report more than just a black and white piece of information.
Organization:
Your draft is well organized and has overall good flow. The headings are appropriate and bolded. You have addressed the draft correctly to your manager.
Title Page:
Your title page is has all the necessary elements and is well laid out.
Table of Contents:
The table of contents is appropriately laid out with the correct numbering scheme used. It is easy to read.
Letter of Transmittal:
Your letter is well laid out and has a professional and welcoming tone. I think you can add a comma after “In the report”, so it reads “In the report, I describe…” Further, I would suggest you can make the first sentence of the second paragraph more succinct. Instead of “ In the report I describe what employee engagement programs are in detail before stating the problem and purpose. I discuss primary and secondary data, drawing my conclusion from the conducted surveys distributed to 30 staff members and from scholarly research.” I would write “In this report, I begin by describing what employee engagement programs are, followed by a statement of the problem and purpose for the report”.
Abstract:
The abstract is well laid out and provides a good synopsis of the issue.
Introduction:
- Definition of job satisfaction:
You have done a great job in this section using secondary sources to support your definition.
- Background on employee engagement programs
In this section I found it a bit hard to follow the quotes. There is a lot of borrowed text here and it would be better if you added more of your own words and paraphrased rather than large chunks of others text.
- Statement of the problem
The problem is well stated and clear.
- Purpose of this report
This section has a solution but is missing the true purpose of this report. I would add the following sentence at the beginning. “The purpose of this report is to investigate the lack of employee engagement programs at Mitchell Island Terminals Ltd. and to provide recommendations to improve this situation.”
- Brief Description of Primary and Secondary Sources
You have outlined your sources well, I would move the secondary sources into the same paragraph as they look lost in the report as a stand alone sentence/paragraph.
- Scope of Inquiry
The scope is well laid out and matches your proposal.
Data Section
- Surveys Completed by Coworkers
In the first line you said “send” and I believe it should be “sent”. Further, in the second paragraph you say “there are 30 responses” which should read “there were 30 responses”.
The first graph is not well represented as it is hard to read, there are no axis identifiers and basketball is listed twice. I am not sure what the graph represents from what you presented.
Again, same thing with the Social Events of Interest Graph, it is too hard to read, consider flipping it landscape and adding it as an appendix so it is easier to see.
On the contrary, the visual for “how likely are you going to participate in a social gathering at work” is very well laid out.
This section overall is well done.
In the subsection, employee-led initiatives, I would re-write it as follows:
Employees are actively trying to mingle with their coworkers which can be seen by previous attempts by some employees to organize social events such as after-work dinners, drinks or badminton nights. Additionally, it is not uncommon to see coworkers going for an after work drink. These actions suggest that employees are actively seeking companionship with others in the workplace and will take the initiative test-run any social events promoted by the company.
The academic research is a compelling part of this report and supports your claim well. You have accurately sourced your sources within the report.
Conclusion:
- Summary of Interpretation of Findings
This is a good summary of your report and hits on all the key points.
- Recommendations
Your recommendations are a bit vague, #2 could be more specific, stick to a frequency and give a specific recommendation.
#3 is also very vague, what did your analysis tell you? Should it be partially funded or fully funded? The reader of your report will want firm answers and analysis.
- Works Cited
This is an error and should not be “C”. Works Cited should be centered on the page. The rest of the formatting looks correct.
Final Notes
Overall this is a great start to your report, I am excited to read the final report when it is completed. Feel free to reach out to me if you would like to discuss this further when you reach the editing stage.
Link to Definition
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