Peer Review of Formal Report Draft: Analysis of Fully Remote Employment Model

To: Ali Hasan, English 301 Student Writer

From: Katherine Chan, English 301 Student Reviewer

Date: March 26, 2022

Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report Draft: Analysis of Fully Remote Employment Model

Thank you for submitting your formal report draft on Analysis of Fully Remote Employment Model. This formal report convincingly argues the mental, physical, environmental, and economical impacts comparing working from home and in-person setting. The primary research is particularly impressive and very relevant to our current workplace environment. Please find below my thoughts and recommendations.

First impressions on content:

• Proposal presents a strong argument for the various impacts of working remotely and traditional in-person model
  • Very informative
  • Each section is relevant to the overarching analysis
• More details regarding:
  • “How working remotely at home and using electricity can still have negative impact in a way (in the Environmental Impact section)
    • Contradicts later statement that working remotely allows “individuals to save money for other things rather than spending it on commuting to the office” (in the Analysis of Findings section)
      • Clarify if it’s a net gain or loss when comparing saving on commuting and spending more on electricity due to working from home

Organization:

• Overall document layout and design is neatly organized, which allows the reader to clearly identify and understand elements of the formal report
  • Great flow and readability because it is logically laid out
  • Mental, physical, environmental, and economical impacts are defined and well supported
  • Report is clearly connected
• The table of contents is not correctly formatted
  • There are heads and sub headings with underlining and bolding
  • However, it is manually applied instead of using the proper Formatting function in Microsoft Word
    • Remember to also use a sub section for the visual components
• Lacking a fluid transition between primary research and survey results
  • Missing visual components and survey questions
  • Difficult to understand the connection between the various impacts and the perceptions of the surveyed audience

Design:

• Missing graphics
  • Visuals will effectively integrate the primary research and survey results
• Insert indentations to paragraphs and spacing between subheading and content can help make the report more visually-appealing

Elements of the Formal Draft:

Introduction:

• Excellent work on providing a well thought out and extensive background section
  • Effectively illustrates the various impacts of work from home versus in-person model
• Repetitive phrases like “in another study” and “in this study”
  • Suggestion: “Researchers found that…”
• Use more concise language
  • Example: With this in mind, even
  • Suggestion: Remove “with this in mind” and start with “Even…”

Data Section:

• Missing appendix with survey questions
• Missing visuals
  • More difficult to understand the survey results
• Limitations asserts that small sample size make the study not generalizable
  • In the beginning it is noted that that individuals from study come from “wide range of backgrounds, job titles, age, genders, and more” (in Results section)
  • Then it is stated that the “majority of these participants were my friends who are students or on a co-op work term” and “this can be seen as strictly focusing on one demographic’ (in Limitations section)
    • These are contradictory

Conclusion:

• Repetitive phrase “it has been shown” in two back-to-back sentences
  • “it has been shown through studies”
  • “it has also shown in studies”
  • Suggestion: “On the other hand, researchers have found that…”
• More details regarding the feasibility and implementation of hybrid work model
  • Applying a case study or example of hybrid work model and the benefits and drawbacks

Works Cited List:

• Great job with using MLA style citation

Grammar and Typos:

• Several instances where period is incorrectly placed
  • Example 1: The results of the study determined that remote work was associated with a decrease of psychological and physical stress responses. (Shimura, 2021).
  • Revision 1: “The results of the study determined that remote work was associated with a decrease of psychological and physical stress responses. (Shimura, 2021).”
  • Example 2: “free assistance and mentorship”.
  • Revision 2: ““free assistance and mentorship.”
  • Example 3: “financial gain/savings”.
  • Revision 3: “financial gain/savings.”
• Be careful with spacing
  • Example: the perfect balance”, “useless”
  • Revision: the perfect balance”, “useless”

Concluding comments:

Thank you for sharing an informative formal draft. This formal report is a great first draft and with some suggested revision it will be exceptional:

• Applying proper Formatting to Table of Contents will increase flow and readability
• Correcting periods and spacing are necessary
• Inserting visuals and appendix will improve clarity and maximize impact
• Amending and clarifying contradictory statements will maximize impact and strengthen formal draft’s claim

 

I hope my recommendations are helpful as you complete this assignment. Please let me know if you have any questions. Good luck!

 

Enclosure: Ali Hasan – Formal Draft