To: Kelly Kim
From: Ben Maxfield
Peer Review: Research Proposal for Formal Report
Thank you for submitting the proposal for lesson 2:1, it was great to read through. Please see the review below for comments and suggestions.
First Impressions
The proposal for improving the visibility of affordable meal options on the UBC campus is passionate, reasonable, and professionally presented. The affordability of food is of particular interest to UBC students in particular.
Organization
- The introduction is very descriptive and well-reasoned. It could be improved by an indication of the intended target audience
- Each section is well-separated
- The spacing between sections is inconsistent
- Overall readability could be improved by bolding headings
- The “Proposed Solution” includes many questions about methods, but little information about how the problem may be solved
- Can be improved by describing one potential solution
Expression
- The overall tone is professional and clear
- The document sometimes refers to “us”
- g.: “Surveys will help us identify…”
- It is not clear who is being referred to in a few cases
- The sentence above could be improved to say “Surveys will help to identify…”
- Enthusiasm and personal anecdotes are great justification for choosing this topic
Content
This document is nearly complete according to the assignment requirements; it includes:
- Introduction
- Statement of Problem
- Proposed Solution
- Scope
- Methods
- Qualifications
- Conclusions
But misses the “Audience Description” section.
Introduction
The introduction section describes the challenge of finding affordable food on the UBC campus. This section does well to motivate why the problem is of particular importance (isolation of campus).
Statement of Problem
The problem is described equal parts “rising food prices” and “poor visibility for affordable meal options”. The addition of facts from research does well to support some assertions.
- The narrative around the problem should be more central to the problem statement
- i.e. there should be a distinct focus on visibility or affordability
- The logic behind the report’s focus should be clarified
- The focus on visibility implies that there does exist affordable meal options on campus, but the prior description of rising prices is at odds with this
- It is unclear if affordable meal options actually exist on campus
Proposed Solution
This sections describes a centralized board of meal prices as a solution to the poor visibility of affordable meal options. The proposed solution makes sense in the event that affordable options exist.
Scope
The scope successfully addresses important metrics of evaluation, including students budgets and eating habits.
Methods
Secondary source research is proposed to collect information about food options, and survey is proposed to determine student habits and opinions. These methods are well-suited to the report’s scope.
Grammar and Typos:
- Some sentences are confusing or appear to be missing a word, such as the sentence:
- “… all students will greatly appreciate it if there is a centralized board where price points and restaurant offering the menu is easily accessible.”
Concluding Comments:
The research proposal is interesting and very well put together, thank you. The following changes will improve the quality of the document and better represent the research proposal:
- Bold headings to improve clarity
- Fix spacing inconsistencies between sections
- Adjustments to problem statement to improve clarity
- Add the “Audience Description” section
- Better-defined “Proposed Solution”
- Light proofreading
Thank you for reviewing the feedback, it was a pleasure to write. Feel free to reach out with any questions.
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