Peer Review – Proposal for Improving Environmental Practices at Flagship Dental to Reduce its Carbon Footprint

To: Trisha Bhamra, ENGL 301 Student

From: Alexander Clements, ENGL 301 Student

Date: February 18, 2022

Subject: Peer Review – Proposal for Improving Environmental Practices at Flagship Dental to Reduce its Carbon Footprint

 

Thank you for submitting your formal report proposal for improving environmental practices at Flagship Dental to reduce its carbon footprint. The proposal was well written, informative, and inspired confidence that the investigation can be carried out successfully.  Please find my comments on the proposal in the sections below.

First Impressions

• The proposal is well written, informative, and clearly expresses the intention of the investigation, how the data will be collected, and your qualifications for conducting such an investigation.
• It seems that this proposal will be effective in persuading both Dr. Jordan Turton and Melissa Bayne to allow the investigation to take place.

Organization

• All required sections for a formal report proposal appear to be in place.
• Headings are all bolded, “Scope” section is missing the bold font on the “S”.

Audience Description

• The proposal appears to be targeted at the correct individuals with the influence to make any recommended changes.

Introduction

• The introduction is effective and provides a nice segue to the Statement of Problem section.
• Eco-consciousness has been “popular” for some time. Perhaps it would be better to say “increasingly popular” here.
• Instead of saying “everyone” has been looking for ways to create and market “green” products, it would more specific to say “businesses”.
• May want to double check the math on the number of autoclave bags thrown away. Two hundred days multiplied by twenty four bags is four thousand and eight hundred bags over the course of a year.

Statement of Problem

• This section is well written and clearly articulates the situation at Flagship Dental.
• It was especially effective to tie the problem statement back to the issue of global warming discussed in the introduction.

Proposed Solution

• Providing another example in addition to the autoclave bags may help to further illustrate the fact that multiple steps can be taken to reduce the carbon footprint within the Flagship Dental office. Using the same example as in previous sections leads the reader to believe that only a few green substitutions can be made.
• Using green alternatives for the different products mentioned sounds like a great step in reducing the carbon footprint of the dental office.

Scope

• How does the demand for green alternatives impact the feasibility of improving environmental practices at the Flagship Dental office? This may require further explanation.
• The fourth bullet point required some additional explanation. What does it mean for the market to contain room for green alternatives?
• The sixth bullet point seems like it may overlap with the fourth bullet point. Can these be condensed into one point? If not, can this sixth bullet point also be expanded upon?

Methods

• The first sentence is a bit awkward. What does the acronym CDA stand for?
• This section is very thorough and provides many good methods for gathering data to conduct the investigation.

Qualifications

• The qualifications listed for conducting the investigation are impressive, and are sure to help support the notion that it can be completed effectively.

Conclusion

• There could be an additional statement made here that broadens the impact of the investigation to other dental practices as well. If the investigation comes up with feasible findings, these could be implemented in many offices, not just Flagship Dental.

Grammar / Typos

• First bullet point in the “Scope” section is missing an “are” (“what are the costs associated…”).
• Could simplify the second last sentence in the last paragraph of the “Introduction” section. Either say “The daily waste created from operations…” or “The waste created from day-to-day operations…”

Concluding Comments

This proposal was very well written, and made for an enjoyable read!  While this is already an excellent piece of writing, with the key points addressed, it will become even better. These key points are listed below.

• Update some of the phrasing and double check the math in the “Introduction” section.
• Add an another example in addition to the autoclave bags mentioned in the “Proposed Solution” section.
• Elaborate on several of the bullet points in the “Scope” section, or be more specific.
• Proof read to catch any additional grammatical mistakes or typos not caught in this review.

Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions about the review. It was wonderful to read this proposal, and it will surely help to influence Dr. Jordan Turton and Melissa Bayne to allow the proposed investigation to take place.