Peer Review of Kelly’s Formal Report First Draft

To: Kelly Kim, ENGL 301 Student

From: Jake Moh, ENGL 301 Student

Date: March 19, 2022

Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report First Draft

 

Thank you for submitting the formal report on the Analysis of Food Affordability and Visibility. The report is interesting, organized, and uses data collection effectively to support the arguments. I especially like the thorough research that describes the current issue and the figures used to describe the pattern in data. Please consider the suggestions below.

First Impressions

The report clearly identifies the background, problem, and solution backed by data. The report is extremely easy to understand, persuasive, and highly relatable. Adding more details and explanations to the letter of transmission and abstraction could help readers understand the intention of the report. Also, adding more figures could help the readers understand the data and fixing small grammar could make the report more readable.

Organization

The logical flow of the report is easy to understand with a smooth transition between sections. The appendix of the list of survey and interview questions and answers could help readers for a deeper understanding of the data collection. The visuals help explain the data. Keeping the letter of transmission on the first page and adding a header on the top-left of the page can improve the readability of the report.

Title Page

The title should be in the middle and the spacing should be corrected. Also, the instructor’s name should be included.’

 

Placing the title in the middle and with correct spacing can form a professional title page. Including the instructor’s name and title could give readers more context to the report.

Introduction

• The subheadings for the introduction is well divided and easy to understand.
• The subheading of “summary of conclusion” is not included in the report.
• The research method could go into the data collection section.
• The problem and scope are clearly defined.

Data

• Data is supported well by citation and reference.
• The figures are clear. However, more figures could be useful.
• Adding an appendix that contains the survey and interviews questions and answers can help.
• The proposal of two solutions is well thought out.

Conclusion

• The conclusion is clearly defined and summarizes the main finding and solutions, and the limitations.
• Including plans for the future and the next steps could be helpful.

Grammar and Technical Errors

A more positive attitude can be applied by avoiding negatives. link

e.g.)

University students particularly suffer from food insecurity because of their limited earning potential, high tuition fees, and lack of financial support from parents.

 

University students can improve food security by higher earning potential, lower tuition fees, and better financial support from parents.

 

Re-reading and correcting grammar errors can improve the clarity of the writing. Using “YOU” attitude can make the report more professional and easy to read.

Revisions

Please refer to the suggestions for improvement of the report:

• Reformat the title page
• Fix minor grammar issues
• Remove negatives
• Removing or adding sections correctly

Overall, the report is extremely impressive. I really enjoyed reading your report and understood the significance of the issue of food affordability and visibility. The proposed solutions are clear and effective. Please don’t hesitate to contact me if you have any questions. Thank you.