To: Madison Strasman, Writing Team Member
From: Leif Jack, Writing Team Member
Date: June 10, 2022
Subject: Peer review of your definitions assignment
Hello Madison,
I looked over your definitions assignment, and I can see you put much care into it! Defining “contingency” was a good choice; the term is at a high enough level to be informative, but not so advanced that I felt lost. Here are some suggestions:
Tone: The overall professional tone of your assignment fits the intended audience, however, there are a few spots where the words you used are a bit too formal, making the tone inconsistent. For example, replacing “criterion” with “purpose”, or “fufill” with “finalize” might make the tone more consistent and accessible.
Concision: The assignment is well written, but the writing could be even more effective with some edits for concision. An example of this is in the introduction, where you could change “I have chosen” to “I chose”, and “defined it for an individual that is unfamiliar” to “defined it for those unfamiliar.” Likewise, while not wrong, and perfectly clear in many instances, removing “of” from sentences where possible, and replacing it with a possessive is one trick that can make sentences more concise. For example, “the conditions of the home are to the expectations of the buyer” could become “the home’s condition is to the buyer’s expectations.”
Document Format: The extended definition’s Examples and Comparison sections explained “contingency” particularly clearly, however, I feel you could elaborate the parenthetical and sentence definitions more for maximum clarity. The parenthetical definition for instance left me wondering how contingency is used in a sentence, so you might try incorporating “contingency” and its parenthesis into a larger sentence, or giving an example sentence. Concerning the sentence definition, the term-class-features table was a good visual aid, but it would have been nice to also include an encyclopedia-like sentence definition of contingency as well.
Transitions: The document flowed nicely, but in two spots I had to reread to fully understand the point being made, as the transition between ideas felt unexpected. With the “contract” part of your analysis of parts, you might try describing how contracts connect to contingencies, e.g. “The contingency is then written on a contract.” Similarly, in your comparison and contrast section, moving to that section could feel smoother if you reworded the first sentence to something like “Mask mandates are an example of contingency”.
Overall, your assignment accomplished its goal successfully, explaining “contingency” in way that makes sense, and left me better informed about the tools available to buyers in the real estate market. I hope my feedback was useful, and I am open to answering any questions!
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