To: Konstantin Mestnikov, Writing Team Member
From: Piper Kim, Writing Team Member
Date: 10 June 2022
Subject: Peer Review of your definition of High-Density Lipoprotein
Dear Konstantin,
I have reviewed your definition of the term high-density lipoprotein. I thought your definition was well organized and successfully achieved the purpose of this assignment. Before reading, I was not aware of that word, but after looking over your assignment, I do have a clear understanding of what it is. Although your rough draft was great, I do have a few suggestions listed below!
Organization:
I thought the way you organized the assignment was great! The flow was cohesive and easy to follow. However, I would recommend switching the “What is its relation to cardiovascular health” with the “what is it composed of?” paragraph. This is because you discussed what a high-density lipoprotein is before and it makes more sense to discuss its makeup after.
Research:
I could tell that you are highly knowledgeable on this topic. You discussed other biological terms concerning high-density lipoprotein which mostly helped me (the reader) understand its definition. However, you mentioned that HDL is related to higher cardiovascular health. To be quite honest, I don’t fully understand what that term means and would have appreciated a more in-depth explanation/examples. This is because higher cardiovascular health seemed like a crucial concept to your definition. In addition, when discussing its differences from other lipoproteins, I would recommend adding more comparisons between the two to achieve more of an effect.
Nonetheless, the figure you provided was exceptional and well-placed. However, I would recommend adding one another image (preferable after the difference from other lipoprotein paragraphs). It would be nice to visualize how the transportation of cholesterol differs.
Clarity:
I think that all scientific terms are bound to be wordy and complicated. When explaining the terminology, it is a bit jumbled up and could be worded so it’s more cohesive and less wordy. For example, The “”high-density” in high-density lipoprotein comes from the fact that its density is higher than that of other types of lipoproteins” could be changed to “in comparison to other types of lipoproteins, HDL contains a higher density level.”
Technicality:
Some minor details I would work on include omitted articles. You wrote, “higher amounts of HDL in the blood are associated with higher cardiovascular health.” I believe the sentence runs smoother with the inclusion of the before blood.
Citations:
The fonts all need to be the same as well as spacing. It is an easy fix but important!
Overall, you did a great job on this assignment! I enjoyed reading all about high-density lipoproteins. Your writing was solid, and you conveyed your thoughts well. I hope my suggestions will help you with revisions and future assignments! If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to reach out! I am happy to help.
Reviewed Assignment: 201 Konstantin definitions
Peer Review to Konstantin: 301 Peer Review to Konstantin (1)
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