To: Juanita Kwok, Group Member
From: Danae Echeverria, Group Member
Date: 10th June 2022
ENGL 301 Peer Review
Peer Review / Term: Mortgage
First Impressions:
Your Definition assignment submission for lesson 1.3 was an enjoyable and informative read– it looks like a strong first draft. Please see the review of the document below with suggestions for improvements:
Expression:
- Expression is appropriate; however, there are a few transitions from formal to informal regarding word choice.
- In the first section of “Expanded Definition” the word “slightly” is ineffectively used which gives a sense of uncertainty and comes off as colloquial.
Grammar/Sentence Structure:
- There are numerous errors that disrupt the flow and cause confusion in some parts of the assignment: for example, the first sentence of the introduction is hard to comprehend at first and requires the reader to make a double-take to understand. For example:
- A few inclusions of “the” in places where it is not needed such as at the beginning of the “sentence definition.”
- Some sentences could be improved through a simple revision of structure. For example:
- This applies to the “sentence definition” as it has too many commas. (This can cause information that should be connected—such as how a mortgage is “a loan from the bank…” and “used to fund the purchase of a home”—to become separated and thus, confuse the reader).
Content:
- The document displays all requirements to fulfill the assignment criteria:
- Introduction and reading situation
- Three forms of definition: parenthetical, sentence, and expanded (although, the document states the incorrect name for the expanded definition as “expansive”)
- Four types of expansion
- A visual; provides a description of the figure.
- Works Cited/Bibliography list
Organization:
- Overall very well organized—follows a logical sequence that guides the audience through the simple and complex definitions of mortgage.
- The questions used as headings under the “Expanded Definition” section are quite useful as they provide context for the text that follows; however, the document is inconsistent with the presentation of headings: uses both bolding and underlining without clear contrast between the different functions.
- The section about the types of mortgages or “analysis of parts” could be presented in a list as the textbook suggests in the “Expanded Definition” chapter.
- The third expanded definition (negation) is more closely related to a “compare and contrast” definition: it states the differences between a mortgage pre-approval and a mortgage pre-qualification rather than clarifying what the term mortgage does not mean.
- It may help to explain how the contrast between a “pre-approval” and “pre-qualification” contributes to the overall meaning of a mortgage.
- Adding a short explanation to connect unfamiliar terms such as “pre-approval” and “pre-qualification” to the main definition of the term can the audience understand the relevance of their inclusion more.
Bibliography:
- Citations demonstrate the term was researched using different sources for the assignment.
- The visual provided was very useful, it was a great inclusion– citation for the figure needs to be corrected.
- The format of some references in the Bibliography does not fulfill the APA requirements.
Concluding comments:
This Definitions document was interesting to read and I enjoyed peer-reviewing this work; the assignment is very well done and your technical writing skills are quite strong already. With the few revisions suggested, the second draft will improve in clarity and precision. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions or concerns.
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