To: Matilda Murray, Group Member
From: Juanita Kwok, Group Member
Date: June 26th, 2022
Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report Proposal
First Impressions: I have reviewed the first draft of your formal report proposal regarding The Kings Pub’s current situation and inefficiencies. Overall, it was an informative proposal that gives the reader a detailed insight into the history of the pub and what needs improvement to become a popular establishment again. Please see below for my suggestions to improve your report:
Expression/ Tenses: The overall expression is appropriate for the assignment. There are a few instances of inconsistencies switching from passive to present tense (e.g. Two years of making approximately one-third of their original income have started to take its toll on the pub). See another example below along with a few word changes to provide clarity:
- Original: “Covid restrictions in the UK have been lifted. However, not as many people are attending football matches due to expenses and fears of catching covid”
- Edited: COVID-19 restrictions in the UK have now been lifted. However, many people are still choosing to not attend football matches due to rising costs around the world and fears of catching the virus.”
The sentence below can be edited for readability as the commas make it difficult to understand at first.
- Original: The nearby pubs doing exceedingly well, like The White Horse and The Golden Lion, have nice outdoor areas for people to sit in and smoke.
- Edited: The nearby pubs that have been doing exceedingly well have nice outdoor areas for people to sit in and smoke. Examples of these pubs are The White Horse and The Golden Lion.
Grammar: There are numerous errors that disrupt the flow and cause distractions to the reader. First and foremost, The Kings Pub serving as the primary subject of the report does not need an apostrophe in its name. Take extra caution with improper capitalization (e.g. borough, brewery, COVID-19 or coronavirus) and spelling mistakes (e.g. instill). Numerical measurement amounts and/or fractions should be expressed in reports as words (e.g. “one-third” instead of “⅓”). Additionally, I would suggest changing “20-29 year olds” to “individuals in their twenties” for clarity purposes and to reduce the hyphenation needed. Under the scope section, questions should follow with a “?”. Repetition for certain words (e.g. furthermore, meaning) can be replaced with synonyms (e.g. additionally, therefore) to increase reader engagement.
Research: It was useful to provide context on where The Kings Pub is located and background on how the pub has been performing. When listing data sources, it would be stronger to mention the specific data source or study as opposed to saying “statistics”. When speaking about Wadworth brewery and the required approval for major decisions, it would be beneficial to provide a few examples of decisions they are responsible for.
Content: Your proposal displays all requirements to fulfill the assignment criteria:
- Introduction
- Statement of the Problem
- Proposed Solution
- Scope
- Methods
- Qualifications
- Conclusion
- Works Cited (please change your heading from Cited Works to Works Cited)
Works Cited: Double-check your in-text citation with The Move Market, you are missing the publication year or if no date found, please put “n.d.”.
I hope my comments are helpful for you and I thoroughly enjoyed peer reviewing your work. This formal report proposal was really well organized and engaging to read. With a couple of small changes, this will be an even stronger report with an important discussion topic for The Kings Pub. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions or concerns.
Link to Matilda’s Formal Report Proposal
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