To: Chris Jung, ENGL 301 Student
From: Dennis Tianxiang Deng
Date: June 29, 2022
Subject: Peer review of the Formal Report Proposal
In “Proposal for an Electronic Queuing System for Popular Gym”, the author presents a well-written summary of the status of the “crowded” UBC gym.
First Impression:
- Insightful formal report proposal as the author addresses a relatable problem from students that an audience authority can take on
- The proposal depicts the target audience, problem, and possible solution as per assignment 2.1 requirements.
- Qualifications are well suited to research this problem and draw proper conclusions.
Audience
The directed audience target is the Facility & Equipment Coordinator of UBC Recreation Centre. It is considered a suitable representative as they can likely take action on the author’s recommendation on behalf of the party.
Expression:
The tone and language used are professional and appropriate for its intended readers. The writing is clear yet with minor grammatical errors. For example, Under “Scope”, “How much cost would the installation of UBC Card readers for each piece of equipment and implementation of electronic queueing service?” , and Under “Methods”, “I will contact UBC Athletics and Recreation to calculate the estimated the cost” seems a bit hard to read.
Organization
Very well organized. The description of each component in the proposal is concise and straightforward. The author narrows down to the nature of the problem presented and supplies a detailed potential solution.
Under the “Scope” section, consider putting the questions into a bulleted or numbered list for better readability.
Proposed Solution:
This section highlights the benefits of Introducing an electronic queuing system using a UBC card.
- Identifying the current status of the equipment usage, and installation of a card reader.
Statement of Problem:
Well-written problem statement with rationale for why each problem matters. It is also recommended to include statistical analysis of how slow the old-fashioned way would be and how much time a user typically wastes.
Methods:
The selection of primary methods of research including interviews and surveys along with secondary data selection from a literature review will provide good evidence in the investigation of the areas of inquiry.
Grammar/Technical Errors:
Slight grammatical errors were noted with some wordy sentences check for fluidity and ease of reading.
Works Cited
Both in-text citations and the Works Cited list are missing.
Conclusion
This Formal Report Proposal is an insightful and well-organized document. For possible improvements, please review the following suggestions.
- Include a Works Cited list and in-text citations
• Self-edit grammatical errors - Concise introduction of installation and maintenance of equipment, and training needed for customers to use the system.
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