To: Olivia Fournier, English 301 Student Writer
From: Rida Irshad, English 301 Student Reviewer
Date: July 27th, 2022
Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report Draft: Determining Effectiveness of Subsidized Dental Programs in Ontario, Canada
Thank you for submitting this draft for determining the effectiveness of subsidized dental programs in Ontario, Canada. Following the progress from your formal report proposal, the draft for your final report so far looks great. You have done a great job with the data section of your formal report by organizing the data is subheadings with appropriate visuals and have provided concise details. Following are some suggestions for further improving this proposal:
First Impressions:
A major strength of this draft is a well thought out points of research. The paper describes the statement of problem well and has provided all areas of inquiries required to assess the feasibility of new dental programs and to determine the effectiveness of current subsidized dental programs.
- One over all area of improvement would be to add some research to prove ideas such as “they have also been the cause of frustration for many patients and dental professionals.” Individuals in the dental field know this to be true from experience, but the reader may not be aware of this fact. Finding data to proof such claims would make it less opinionated.
- Another area of improvement would be to shorten the table of contents or use alpha-numerical system to organize the contents better.
Content
-The most informative part of the draft is the specifically the methods section under data. The paper describes the demographic of the participants, uses good visuals to identify the participants and clearly states the method of research.
-Intro of the draft could use more content. Adding background on the importance of dentistry may be helpful. As stated in your paper, some individuals view dentistry as a luxury, the readers of your paper may believe the same. It is a good idea to add facts and background of why these programs are highly recommended.
-The report demonstrates deep consideration for the problem and provides well thought out recommendations. The report also shows in depth research with both primary and secondary data collection.
Organization:
-The draft is well organized and follows the guidelines provided. All headings are in order and appropriately titled. However, a word document of the draft would have been easier to follow, and the outline of the draft would have been clearer. Ensure the final report follows correct pagination as well as all other guidelines provided by the instructor.
-The report provides in depth details and is yet concise and to the point, the flow from one topic to next is well done.
Style
-The tone of the report is subjective in the data section. However, as stated under first impressions, some subjective ideas can be proven by further research which will be more appealing to the readers.
-The tone of the report is positive throughout and reflects the YOU-attitude.
Design
–Visuals are well designed and correctly labeled. The report was not reader friendly as it was not submitted in a word doc format.
-Ensure final draft follows appropriate referencing style as per the instructor
Grammar and Technical Errors:
Minor grammar errors noted:
-2nd paragraph under figure 2 states “This is allowance is rarely elongated”, should be corrected to “This allowance is rarely elongated”
-Under conclusion the topic states “Finding and office”, should be correctly labeled as “Finding an office”
Revisions: Please note the suggested revisions in this review that will improve the quality:
- Providing background information for the reader – importance of preventive dentistry
- Providing proof to subjective statements
- Shortening or correctly labeling the table of contents
- Ensure correct formatting is followed before final submission in word doc
- Proof-reading the paper and correcting minor grammar errors
- Ensure final draft follows appropriate referencing style
Overall, this is an outstanding draft of formal report thus far. I hope the suggestions provided are helpful and can assist in revising this report. If you have any questions or require clarification, please do not hesitate to contact me.
Thank you.
Link: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl30198a2022s12/2022/07/23/formal-report/
Hi Rida! can i do your peer review? Thank you for all the great feedback!