Piper Kim’s Peer Review of Leif Jack’s Formal Report

To: Leif Jack, ENGL 301 Student Writer

From: Piper Kim, ENGL 301 Student Reviewer

Date: July 27, 2022

Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report Draft

 

Thank you for submitting your formal report draft! I enjoyed reading about Water Pumps or Higher Walkways: Comparing Their Financial Feasibility and Effectiveness in Managing Mission Creek’s Water Level. You have demonstrated a high-level of understanding of your topic. Please review my suggestions down below to better assist your report!

First Impressions

• Nice usage of primary data — I can tell that you understand your topic and are passionate about Mission Creek’s water level
• The visuals you added were properly labeled which is helpful for the reader
• Well-written and concise with proper subtitle labeling
• I would format some sections differently (will go more in detail later)

Title Page

• Everything is included according to guidelines

Table of Content 

• Easy to follow – page numbers corresponds to proper sections
• Needs to include a figurines and tables table of contents so the reader can refer to the tables more easily in the report

Introduction

• The introduction contains the water issues in Kelowna due to climate change which is a good start to indicate the reasoning of your report.
• Certain sentences are a bit wordy — for instance:
  • “Unexpected, dangerously hot and dry temperatures, and Mission Creek potentially overflowing create two dangers respectively: drought, and damage to private properties.”
  • I would change it to: “With unexpected, dangerously hot and dry temperatures, Mission Creek’s potential overflowing creates two dangers respectively: drought, and damage to private properties.”
• For the scope section, I make it point format and list the five topics so it allows the reader to better view the essential questions being answered.
  • EX: “To compare theses solutions’ feasibility, this report explores five topics:
    • Is drought or flooding more likely?
    • Which weather event concerns residents more?
    • How expensive is each solution, including maintenance costs?
    • Would the solutions bring the desired outcomes?
    • Do citizens approve of either of these solutions?
• I would also do a bullet point format for the questions used in the survey to make it clear to the reader what questions were used.

Collected Data

• Headings are good and easy to follow.
• I think report findings/interpretations should go after survey questions
  • Primary sources –> secondary sources
•  Labeling the interpretation headings to what type of interpretation they are will be helpful to the reader since you have multiple ‘interpretation’ headings — it will cause less confusion
  • EX: Survey Interpretation, Journal Interpretation… etc.
• The visuals from your survey are excellent.
  • They are all properly labeled.
• Referring to the figures to get your point across is effective and demonstrates the importance of managing the water-levels through votes of real-life people who are affected by this issue.
• Good sized paragraphs making it concise and easy to read.

Conclusion

• Nice job wrapping everything up.
  • It is concise and to point while mentioning all the crucial facts.
• The recommendations are nicely listed in bullet point form.

Technicalities 

• Some sentences are unnecessary. For example: “Much of the data and interpretations from that article are highly relevant to this report.” This sentence is not needed because it should be implied that all the data collected is relevant to the report.
• Expand more on the analysis section. Based on assignment guidelines, the report should be 12-15 pages.

Formatting 

•  Indents on used some paragraphs. Make sure to indent all paragraphs to make the the report more concise and seamless.
  • As a result, spacing is inconsistent.
  • Proper indentation of the subsections will improve readability.

Final Remarks

• Overall a good draft!
• Avoid unnecessary sentences.
• Ensure that spacing is corrected.

The formal report was well-written! You have chosen an interesting topic and I can see through your research that you have a clear understanding of Mission Creek’s water level and the determination to fix the problem. The recommendations you have provided to resolve this issue are reasonable to me. I hope my suggestions are helpful for your final formal report. If you have any questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to contact me at piperkim13@gmail.com. I am always happy to help.

Enclosure: Formal-Report-LJ PEER REVIEW