Dale’s Peer Review of David’s Report Draft

To: David Cheung
From: Dale Miller

Date: July 27, 2022

Subject: Peer Review of the Report Draft for: Costco Vancouver’s Theft Prevention: An Analysis of Current Procedure and Recommendations

Thank you for submitting the formal report draft, I enjoyed reading your analysis on Costco Vancouver’s theft prevention process. I live in the area, so I found it quite interesting. Please consider the following recommendations on how you may improve your document.

First Impressions

Overall, this report is interesting and thorough in its description of the theft issues faced by Costco Vancouver, as well as the potential solutions to this theft. The recommendations feel reasonable and effective, and easily implementable by Costco Canada. That said, some sections were incomplete and repetitive, and the essay could benefit from tighter organization and focus.

Expression

The tone of this expression is professional and clear but some sections were repetitive. For example, the report states that “ten flatbeds are available out of sixty” in three different sections, with one of the repetition stating there are seven flatbeds rather than six. It also uses the phase “nature of the people” in the downtown eastside twice, and doesn’t explain what this phrase means (the phrase itself is also problematic).

Content

The introduction and data sections of the report both had an excellent level of detail, which offers readers a comprehensive summary of the situation. The length is adequate, and it contains most of the required sections, including title page, table of contents, introduction, body section with headings and subheadings, three illustrations and recommendations.

It is missing a works cited list and summary of findings, and the abstract that is included could be expanded upon to include a more complete summary of the report with conclusions.

Additionally, the report should include in-text citations, especially in the data section.

Grammar and Spelling

On the whole, the essay is well written but could use some proofreading before final submission, as there is some confusing phrasing and passive language.

For example:

-The meaning for the sentence on page 6: “Due to the food court not accepting cash, people often ask to enter the building to buy something from the food court with cash” is unclear.

-The sentence: “During the past sixth months, thieves are known to have stolen thousands of dollars” could be rewritten more directly as “During the past sixth months, thieves have stolen thousands of dollars.”

Organization

While the table of contents presents the report in an organized manner, the report itself does not reflect the table of content’s outline. For example, the data section is supposed to have four main sections including:

1. Current procedure at the door
2. Location of Flatbeds inside and outside the building
3. Causes of Theft
4. Current Measures to prevent theft

The report, however, has two main sub sections titled FLATBEDS and CAUSE OF THEFT of Flatbeds, with sub-subsections that also don’t line up with the content’s outline. Consider using  ALL CAPS for the Introduction, Data Section and Conclusion sections only, and reorganizing the data section to more closely follow the outline in the contents.

Subsections like “On the street,” “Inside Costco and “Where flatbeds are lost,” are too short to warrant their own headings, and could either be expanded upon or incorporated into other sections.

Additionally, “Preview of Findings” feels out of place and redundant, and it could be deleted.

Final Impressions

Overall this report is interesting, easy to read and the recommendations feel like they could make a significant impact on theft in Costco Vancouver, especially when it comes to flatbeds. However, some sections were incomplete and repetitive, and the essay could benefit from tighter organization and focus.

Specifically, please consider the following recommendations:

• Some sections, as mentioned, were repetitive and/or redundant
• Missing works cited and summary of findings
• should include in-text citations, especially in the data section
• Some confusing phrasing and passive language, as outlined
• Could be organized to more closely reflect table of contents
• Consider using ALL CAPS for the Introduction, Data Section and Conclusion sections only
• Some of the smaller subsections could be incorporated into others

Good luck with the revision of your report and please let me know if you have any questions

Enclosure: David’s Formal Report Draft