Peer Review of Lovin’s Definitions

Peer Review: Definitions

Reviewer: Kristy Vyfschaft

Author: Lovin Kahlon

Title of Expanded Definition: What is Periodontal Disease?

First Impressions:

The definition presented is thorough and includes information and a visual to help the audience understand the technical term and important aspects beyond dental care. Be sure to include three separate definitions, not just an expanded definition.

Organization:

• The introduction is good, but you may want to include more about the intended readers level of knowledge. i.e., semi-technical or non-technical
• The expanded definition did not include a conclusion, it may be helpful to include an ending sentence or two.
• The headings used are a good description to the information that is presented in each paragraph.
• Paragraph four could be reorganized to align with the bullet points and explanations to make sure readers get the information that is associated with each important point.

Expression:

• The expression through the document is professional.
• The use of descriptive terms to present the stages of the disease is very useful and enhances the visual.
• Some sentences could be more concise, editing out words that are not adding information for the readers, prefaces, etc.
• Some sentences have jargon that the audience may not understand. The use of simpler terms or parenthetical definitions in the document could clarify. i.e. “these microorganisms are associated with…” – microorganisms may be too technical for some audiences.

Content:

• The definition includes the assignment specifications.
  • An introduction
  • Four types of expansion
  • A visual
  • A works cited list
  • Three forms of the definition in the expanded definition.

Visual:

• Visual is good for non-technical readers. Shows what can be seen on their level (above the gums)
• Refer the textbook for labelling and citing the visual – be sure it is labeled and, in the document.
• The visual needs to be labeled with a number: Figure 1.

Works Cited:

• Good works cited including a variety of sources.
• Your works cited list is not in alphabetical order – this needs correction

 Grammar and Typos:

• A few commas in some phrases are missing.
• No typos noticed in the document.

 

Concluding Remarks:

Your definition contains good information for the audience and does not confuse the audience with too much information. The document overall is well organized and easy to read. Small corrections to improve the definition:

• Including audience level in introduction
• Paragraph four re-organization
• Editing for conciseness, improving clarity
• Explaining or removing jargon to improve readability
• Labelling the visual and reference to the visual in the definition

 

Thank you for your definitions and if there are any questions, please contact me.