The job as a Peer-reviewer is to review the document and provide suggestions for improving. Not to edit or even provide explanations for your suggestions. Peer-reviews and memos are circulated among a number of people, so YOUR reader is not necessarily the author of the document under review. Accordingly, peer reviews need to be clear, concise, well-organized and detailed. The best way to ensure this, is to self-edit with a focus on removing pronouns: I / you/ they/ the reader/ your/ my/ their/ and ‘it.’
Eliminating pronouns for clarity and tone:
Example: “Lastly, I found the peer review process very helpful to me and my writing. I was able to read my other group members’ work and how they it differently than mine (content, formatting… etc.). My partner was xxx xxxx and he effectively defined what high-density lipoproteins were. I found his definitions to be well-thought out and he wrote it in a way for me to easily understand a scientific term. His writing was efficient but he still had room for improvements. Before this assignment, I don’t often peer-review my peers’ work so this was a learning experience (97 words/ 17 pronouns).
Rewrite: Finally, the peer review process is helpful because reading different versions of the assignment in terms of content and formatting is helpful. The document I reviewed effectively defined the term ‘lipoproteins,” it was well thought-out and easy to understand. The writing was efficient, but there remain room for improvements. This was a new learning experience (55 words/ 1 pronoun).
Example: “After reviewing your document and the instructions for 1:3 assignments, I have three minor suggestions for your revisions. First, you may consider paraphrasing and explaining your quotations as you integrate them into your sentences. Your “non-technical readers” might want to have those direct quotations processed for them in advance or kept to a minimum (several short phrases). Introducing quoted materials is important, and equally important is showing your understanding and analysis of those materials by paraphrasing them. In paragraph eight, while the quotations are necessary information that shows how a Strata Corporation differs from a single-family home, they will benefit from better integration and further explanation. The term “detached homes” in one of your quotations, for example, would need explaining” (120 words/ 10 pronouns).
Rewrite: There are three minor suggestions for improving the definition overall. Consider paraphrasing the quotations and providing some analysis of the process. In paragraph 8, the differences between a Strata corporation and a single-family home, needs further explanation and finally the term ‘detached homes’ could use some clarification (47 words, 0 pronouns).
Radical REWRITE: The definition needs three minor revisions:
- Paraphrasing the quotations and providing some analysis
- Paragraph 8 re: the differences between a Strata corporation and a single-family home, needs further explanation
- The term ‘detached homes” needs more explanation.
Another way to think about the’ trick’ of avoiding pronouns to improve clarity and conciseness is – to ‘take out the people’
Example: “Upon my first read through the definition, I found that it would be ideal to delve deeper into the comparison of what a single entry bookkeeping system is so that you can make an accurate comparison to double-entry bookkeeping. You do a great job of explaining in what situations we may want to use a single-entry or double-entry system but it would be great to compare specific features and benefits because I am left asking the question why? Why would I want to use this for a larger entity? What are the key benefits to knowing what assets I have? Why might I not care about my assets in a smaller entity situation? ( 113 words, 9 pronouns).
REWRITE: Extending the comparison and contrasting the differences between single and double entry booking keeping would be helpful. What are the specific features and benefits of double entry bookkeeping as compared to single entry? For example, what are the benefits of recording assets? (42 words, 0 pronouns).
Example: “Writing my own definition gave me a good lesson that I need to focus more on the target audience than myself when I write. The first mistake I made was that I decided to write the definition I am so familiar with that I did not consider how difficult the term would be for the audience. I chose the term ‘time complexity’ because I use this term every day as I study Computer Science. However, as I explain the term from the very scratch, I realized that I may have chosen a word that is too complex for non-technical readers (100 words / 15 pronouns).”
Rewrite: The definition assignment offered a good lesson on the need to focus on the target audience. The first mistake I made was deciding to write a definition about a familiar term and not considering how difficult the term might be for a novice reader. I chose the term ‘time complexity’ from Computer Science, however, once beginning to define the term, I realized the term is too complex for non-technical readers (70 words/ 3 pronouns).
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