Peer Review of Tianxiang D’s Formal Report Proposal

To: Dennis Tianxiang Deng,

From: Chris Jung,

Peer Review / Proposal for Determining Cause and Impact of Expensive Student Housing in Metro-Vancouver

Thank you for writing a formal report proposal submission for lesson 2:1. I enjoyed reading the proposal. Please consider the following review of the proposal with suggestions for improvements.

First Impressions:

The topic of the proposal is interesting and relatable. The shortage of housing in the Metro-Vancouver area is an urgent issue needed to be resolved. However, narrowing down the scope of the proposal and addressing more details about the problem would make the proposal more feasible and persuasive.

Organization:

• The introduction of the proposal is appealing enough to attract readers’ attention to the topic of the proposal.
• Proper use of headings and listing increases the readability of the document.
• The title of the document does not match the content of the document.
  • As this report is needed to be in the problem/solve pattern, the title of the document would better fit the content when it is in a similar format.
  • The current title is solely focused on analyzing the current problems.
  • Please refer to the instructor’s handout for formal report topics for more details.
• The conclusion ends abruptly without the summary of the proposal and the action plan after the proposal.
  • The current conclusion only addresses the problem and necessity for the solution which would more fit the Statement of Problem section.

Expression:

• The choice of the vocabulary and overall tone of the proposal is professional.
• More objective and detailed description in the Introduction and the Statement of Problem section would improve the clarity of the proposal.
  • For example, in the Introduction, there is a comparison between the number of newly constructed houses for renters and families. However, the distinction between the two terms is not clearly defined for readers.
• Adding more justification for the solution is recommended to make the document more persuasive
  • Current Proposed Solution has many potential solutions, but they are missing how and why.

Content:

• The target audience is too vague.
  • A specific department of the government BC that can handle the housing problem would be more appropriate.
• Narrowing down the solutions to one or two and to make the document more feasible.
  • Elaboration on the selected solutions using the cause-effect pattern will increase the feasibility of the proposal.

Works Cited:

• There were no works cited in the document.

Grammar and Typos:

• Minor punctuation errors:
  • The last sentence of Proposed Solution and Conclusion need a period(.).
• Separation of a sentence is needed:
  • The first sentence of My Qualifications needs to be split into two separate sentences
  • Before: “I always put close attention to the city’s rental market and how housing investments are made by the government, therefore I am confident to give an opinion on what can work best for students.”
  • After: “I always put close attention to the city’s rental market and how housing investments are made by the government. Therefore, I am confident to give an opinion on what can work best for students.”

Concluding Comments:

Overall, the proposal was interesting, and professional. I enjoyed reading it and look forward to the formal report. Please consider the following suggestions for improvement of the proposal:

• Revise the title to fit the problem-solution pattern of the project.
• Add summary of the proposal and future action after the proposal is approved.
• Target more specific audience that handle the housing issue of Metro-Vancouver.
• Add more objective details to describe the problem to appeal the necessity for improvement.
• Narrow down the solution and elaborate more on it to make the proposal more feasible.
• Fix punctuation errors and separate two sentences that are put in one.

Thank you for your well-written formal report proposal submission. I hope my suggestions help you to improve the quality of future revisions. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions.

Reviewed Document: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl30198a2022s12/2022/06/23/formal-report-proposal-tianxiang-d/