EF peer review of Peter’s formal report proposal

To: Peter Yang

From: Ethan Fung

Date: June 27, 2022

Subject: Peer review of the formal report proposal

The formal report proposal that was submitted was a difficult read and riddled with errors. It was very hard to understand and could be improved significantly. Below are some suggestions.

First Impressions:

At a first glance, the proposal seemed properly formatted and some small errors were noticed. However, from reading deeper into the proposal many more problems presented themselves. Examples of these problems include poor sentence structure, poor grammar, and missing content, please see below.

Sentence Structure:

• Many sentences are confusing and do not make sense. Please add content or context to these sentences to make them understandable.
  • Example: “Although students have the option to go online or go hybrid, an option where students can complete the course in-person or online.”
    • This sentence is incomplete. 
  • Example: “However, most classes are delivered students choose to go in person to expose themselves to the virus.”
    • This sentence is missing words.
  • Example: “If a student were to test positive, he or she will be required to be isolated which also includes the building.” 
    • The building has to isolate? This does not make sense. Did you mean, that people inside the building also have to isolate? If so please re-word the sentence.  
• Also, some sentences are choppy and the sentence flow of the proposal is inconsistent.

Content:

• Missing an introduction section
• Missing a qualifications section
• Besides the two missing sections, everything else was included according to assignment requirements.

Word Choice:

• Poor use of transition words
  • In some cases, words like however, altogether, and of course were included when there was no need for them, making sentences confusing. 
• As alluded to previously, there are many sentences that are missing words which causes confusion for the reader
  • Example: “Most importantly, students living in residency must do a rapid test daily regardless he or she is vaccinated or not” 
    • Missing an “if” before the “he or she is vaccinated or not”. Please read through the whole document carefully, to scan for missing words.

Expression:

• Some statements are very aggressive, without having data to back them up   
  • Example: “students choose to go in person to expose themselves to the virus.”
    • This statement conveys to the reader that the virus is in every class and students choose to go to class to expose themselves to the virus purposefully. There is no evidence to back up such a bold statement. 
• Overall the number of grammatical errors, missing words, and incomplete sentences made the proposal seem sloppy and unprofessional

Scope and Methods:

• The questions asked in the scope subsection are insightful and will help form an argument for or against the continuation of online/hybrid classes.

Organization:

• The proposal was organized properly, starting by introducing the intended audience and finishing with a conclusion. 
• There was one error in the “audience” subsection where the body was on the same line as the subheading.

Grammar:

• There were some instances where the incorrect grammatical tense was used
  • Example: “On September 7, 2021, UBC has officially transitioned primarily into in-person classes despite the existence of COVID-19.” 
    • The present tense “has” should be replaced with the past tense “had”
• Some words are capitalized for no reason 
  • Example: “In order to limit the spread of COVID-19, classes should be in either fully online or Hybrid modes of delivery for the remainder of the year or until the end of the pandemic.”
    • “hybrid” should not be capitalized

Conclusion:

The substantial amount of incomplete sentences, poor grammar, missing content, and poor word choice made this proposal seem rushed, unprofessional, and sloppy. Please use the suggestions provided as guidance in the revision process:

• Inclusion of both an introduction and qualifications subsection is needed 
• Sentences need to be complete with proper grammar
• Re-wording sentences to be more direct would benefit this proposal 
• The correct grammatical tense should be used 
• Unnecessary words should be omitted 

 Feel free to contact me for further guidance or to ask questions about any suggestions mentioned above. 

Enclosure: Peter’s proposal

Proposal