To: Ethan Fung
From: Danae Echeverria
Date: June 28, 2022
Subject: Peer review of the Formal Report Proposal
Thank you for submitting the Formal Report Proposal for lesson 2.1; this is an informative and interesting read. Please review the suggestions below for possible improvements:
First Impressions:
This proposal is very easy to read and provides a clear explanation of the main problem, along with its proposed solution. It is well-written to suit the target audience and showcases all of the assignment requirements.
Organization:
• A straightforward description of the target audience is included and proves its relevance.
• The introduction is clear and provides an informative background description of the UBC chemistry building history; it also demonstrates a narrow focus of the problem making it easy for the intended readers.
• In “Statement of the Problem,” the section could be organized to form a short list of the proposed solutions and their reasons; this makes it easier to read quickly.
Expression:
• An appropriate use of tone to address the reader is evident throughout the document; although, the use of the word “literally” in the “Statement of the Problem” section is colloquial and should be omitted.
Content:
The proposal meets almost all the requirements for the assignment, including:
• Audience
• Introduction
• Statement of the Problem
• Proposed Solution
• Scope
• Methods
• Qualification
• Conclusion
• Works Cited section is missing—must include in-text and list.
Works Cited:
• Both in-text citations and the Works Cited list are missing.
• Under the “Introduction” and “Statement of the Problem” sections, consider citing the evidence for claims about the rising temperatures and thermal properties of elements and substances; this can help solidify, and provide background to, the statements.
Grammar and Typos:
The document is very well-written and there are very few errors I could find in this section; the words “problem,” “solution,” and “qualifications” should all be capitalized because they are headings. Moreover, some sentences could improve in structure:
• “Unruly temperatures create a problem not only from the perspective of worker comfortability but, it also affects the work being done in the labs possibly causing dangerous situations”
– The wordiness and misuse of commas are hard to follow. Consider revising to: “unruly temperatures create two main problems: (1) student and worker comfortability is highly affected, and (2) dangerous situations may arise while conducting temperature sensitive experiments.
• “With no way of maintaining a constant temperature, some results become irreproducible, a cardinal sin in the scientific community.”
– This sentence contains an overuse of commas; it could be improved by ending it with “[…] become irreproducible—a cardinal sin in the scientific community.”
Conclusion:
Overall, this Formal Report Proposal is an informative and nicely organized document. If editing is done while following the suggestions below, this will prove to be an effective and persuasive Formal Report for your target audience:
• Minor change in expression
• Include a Works Cited list and in-text citations
• Self-edit grammatical errors
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