Peer Review of Jessica’s Formal Report Proposal

To: Jessica Barlescu, ENGL 301 Student

From: Anushka Nair, ENGL 301 Student

Date: 29 June 2022

Peer Review/ Formal Report Proposal: Improved ingredient and allergen labelling at food establishments in the AMS Student Nest.

Thank you for submitting the formal report proposal for lesson 2:1. The report was incredibly informative and is an enjoyable read. Please find the review of the document below with suggestions for improvements.

First Impressions:

This proposal is well written and easy to read. The topic is very interesting and the audience will appreciate the outcome of the proposal. Overall, only minor improvements will be needed.

Organization:

• The introduction is good and the “statement of problem” concisely summarises the background needed to understand the proposal
• The document is correctly formatted with relevant subheadings that are to the point. This makes the document easy to follow
• There is no work cited or reference list included
• The conclusion is satisfactory and ties up the document

Expression:

• The document’s tone is very professional and caters to specific readers (intended audience).
• However, the language seems a bit too simple for the intended audience.
  • The document is meant to be read by professionals who have the authority to implement change so perhaps the use of industry-specific jargon might be appropriate.
  • The use of statistics will enhance the document

Content:

• The document meets all the assignment requirements. It includes:
  • Audience
  • Introduction
  • Statement of Problem
  • Proposed Solution
  • Scope
  • Methods
  • Qualifications
  • Conclusion
• Currently, the proposed audience is a little vague. Perhaps a specific department in charge of food and meals should be mentioned.
• Under qualifications, it would be helpful to mention whether there is access to senior AMS employees since they will be the ones to enact change
• Under methods, primary data should include interviews with AMS employees, since they are the intended audience.

Works Cited List:

• The work cited list is missing. Please include it at the end of the document

Grammar/Typos:

• There are some grammatical errors present in the document.
  • In the introduction, instead of “their purpose is to hold UBC and government accountable”, it should be “its purpose is to hold UBC and the government accountable”
  • Several hyphens are missing:
    • “health related” should be “health-related”
    • “gluten free” should be “gluten-free”
    • “dairy free” should be “dairy-free”
  • “A straightforward” should be “the straightforward’
• However, there are some typos present
  • For example, under audience, it is written “UBS AMS” where it should be “UBC AMS”.
• Overall, the document is well written

Concluding Comments:

The proposal is interesting to read, informative and well organized. With the proposed edits and good proofreading for small errors, the document will be stronger.

• Making the intended audience clearer
• Correcting the grammatical mistakes
• Editing the typos
• Fixing the method and qualification fields
• Including a work cited list

Thank you and feel free to ask any questions. It was a pleasure to review this document.

Jessica’s Formal Report Proposal