To: Rida Irshad
From: Izabel Lopez
Date: July 1st, 2022
Peer Review: Formal Report Proposal – Increasing Community Oral Hygiene Programs Tailored to Individuals with Special Needs.
Thank you for submitting the formal report proposal assignment for lesson 2:1; this is an interesting read for someone not in the dental field. Please see the review of the document below with suggestions for improvements.
First Impressions
- A very interesting and specific topic in the dental field
- You demonstrated interest and passion for individuals with special health care needs concerning their challenges maintaining an oral hygiene care regimen at home
- Followed the flow of a formal report proposal as shown in the textbook example
- Each section of the formal report proposal included a detailed explanation of the issue, solution, and methods to form the solution
- Great job looking into the reasons why SHCNs individuals struggle with their oral health more significantly than their healthier peers and why it’s important to seek preventative dentistry
- A general area to improve the proposal would be to remove redundant words/phrases and to split longer sentences into two shorter sentences
Organization
- Each section followed the example in the textbook
- The information was relevant to the proposal
Introduction
- The first paragraph presented the challenges of preventative dental care clearly and concisely
- The challenges of preventative dental care were specific toward individuals with special health care needs (SHCNs)
- The first sentence of the second paragraph was confusing
- “Individuals with SHCNs suffer at a significantly higher rate than those of their healthier peers…”
- The sentence doesn’t mention what SHCNs specifically suffer from
- It doesn’t lead the paragraph to the problem statement effectively
- Reinforce what general challenges SHCNs suffer from with their dental health earlier in the sentence
- Ex. Individuals with SHCNs suffer [tooth decay?] at a higher rate than their healthier peers. This difference comes from the amplified challenges individuals with physical or intellectual disabilities have with their oral health.
Statement of Problem
- This section clearly states the issue of tooth decay and what can be done to avoid it
- The severity of tooth decay is described to explain why it is important for people to have effective oral health
- You listed the two factors contributing to poorer oral health in SHCNs individuals and explained what that looks like
Proposed Solution
- The solution to the oral health in SHCNs individuals is proposed to develop more community outreach programs educating them on the importance of their oral health
- Your audience is clearly stated to…
- community leaders, community councillors, non-profit organizations, and oral health foundations
- dental student volunteers
- The end goal was discussed to educate SHCNs individuals specific to their challenges
Scope
- The scope to determine the current availability, demand, knowledge, and potential impact of community programs on oral health was specific to the problem
- Other questions to ask:
- What resources are required to make a sustainable community program for individuals with SHCNs?
- How long does it take to form a community program for individuals with SHCNs?
Methods
- Primary data sources were explained and discussed thoroughly in the form of interviews and surveys with various types of people
- Secondary data sources weren’t mentioned in the proposal
Grammar/Technical Errors:
- The flow of the proposal is completed in a professional voice
- Sentences were often long and joined with semicolons which is a style of writing I’m not familiar with
- Please ask the instructor if this style of writing is appropriate to the proposal
- One long sentence can be modified to two shorter sentences for better clarification
- Ex. The public may not be aware that preventive dentistry may be the most affordable and convenient option to combat the unpleasant feeling toward dental care. Preventive dentistry can reduce dental anxiety, financial burdens, and trauma caused by undergoing extensive dental procedures.
Revisions
- Reinforce what additional challenges individuals with SCHNs experience that hinders their oral health
- Ask more questions about the logistics that make community programs for individuals with SHCNs in the scope section
- Include the secondary sources
Final Impressions
- You demonstrated your knowledge and issues in the dental field clearly and concise
- Your list of qualifications shared your academic and practical experiences
- This proposal was detailed and thorough to the instructor’s specifications
- I am better informed regarding the challenges of SHCNs individuals and what can be done to improve their overall oral health
I hope the feedback was helpful for your formal report proposal. Please reach out to me to ask questions or clarification. Great job!
ENGL-301-Community-Program-Proposal-Rida
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