Editing for conciseness
The goal is to aim for as concise and precise language as possible.
If possible, avoid two and three verbs in a row.
For Example:
“Over the past two years, I have held the role of business development in a company that I started with one of my previous classmates. During this appointment, I have had various relevant communication interactions in a formal business setting, including drafting proposals, making presentations, and writing company memos. As part of the company’s sales operations, we had to develop pitch decks and present them to our clients. Over the course of my duration at the company, I believe that I have gained a very valuable experience learning and exploring the intricacies of the English language, especially in a business environment” (101 words).
Rewrite for Conciseness – editing out unnecessary verbs and words
“Over the past two years, I held the role of business development manager in a company that I started with one of my previous classmates, a role that included drafting proposals, making presentations and writing memorandums as well as presenting ‘pitches’ to clients. I gained valuable experience in writing in a business environment (53 words).
For example:
“In my undergraduate and graduate studies, I have prepared two theses. I have also published a couple of popular-science articles in the biggest English language magazine in Pakistan. In graduate school, I regularly contributed to writing feedback to authors who had submitted their draft articles for publication in scientific journals” (50 words).
Rewrite:
In my undergraduate and graduate studies, I prepared two theses. I also published two science articles in the biggest English language magazine in Pakistan. In graduate school, I regularly contributed to writing feedback to authors who submitted their articles for publication in scientific journals (44 words).
Example:
“I have identified how my past academic experiences has inculcated in me an abiding appreciation of the peer review process as a way to improve and correct oneself.”
Rewrite:
“I identified past academic experiences and my appreciation of the peer review process as a way to improve and correct oneself.
Avoid unnecessary words – professional are busy people!
For example:
“I am thrilled and excited to venture out the expanse of technical writing with a group that is meticulous and enthusiastic. Personally, I have taken course such as Political Science, English, and Creative Writing throughout my academic tenure and have multitude of experience with writing, in all its dynamic forms. Lengthy papers and expository research have surrounded my varied educational programs since grade 9. Having done the International Baccalaureate program in my high school, I took English as one of my Higher Level courses and graduated with distinction in it. Coming from India, English isn’t my native tongue and people would also be surprised with my fluency and control over the language ( 112 words).
Rewrite: “I am excited to venture into the expanse of technical writing with a group that is meticulous and enthusiastic. Courses in Political Science, English, and Creative Writing courses have provided my experience with writing in all its dynamic forms. With an International Baccalaureate program in my high school, English was one of my higher Level course, of which I graduated with distinction. Coming from India, English is not my native tongue and people are often surprised with my fluency and control over the language (84 words).
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