Ethan Fung Peer review session

To: Ethan Fung, ENGL 301, team member

From: Peter Yang, ENGL 301 student

CC: Ethan Fung

Date: July 27, 2022

Subject: Improve Air Conditioning in Chemistry Building UBC

Hi Ethan:

I enjoyed reading your report and I think this topic is very interesting and important. Here are my comments and suggestions:

First Impressions

This final report draft is impressive and engaging. Specifically, the

Overall impressions

• The report maintained a professional tone throughout the entire document.
• Data well used to support air conditioning in Chemistry Building.
• An easy-to-read and clear writing style.
• Visuals displaying survey findings are clear and properly placed
• Some definitions should be included since not everyone took or majored in Chemistry

Content

So far the content includes:

• Title page
• Table of contents
• Introduction
• Body section with headings
•  illustrations
• List of conclusions and recommendations
• Works cited list

Abstracts

• There should be an abstract

Table of contents

• All sections discussed in the report including illustrations are listed in the Table of contents.

Introduction

• The report provides a very detailed history of the significance of the Chemistry Building and how the temperature regulation with no air conditioning is a problem.
• You also have discussed the effects of what is Global Warming and how it can impact the environment.
• In addition, a detailed discussion of how global warming threatens the safety of students and staff due to the proliferation of chemicals and inflammable substances within the building.
• The Methods and Scope section is laid in a clear and logical order
• A clear description of what questions will be asked
• The report has identified and analyzed a problem(Air conditioning issue in Chemistry Building)

• Please provide an Abstract
• Please explain what is the HVDirect website in one sentence
• The significance of the report is clearly described.
  • A discussion of the benefits of installing air conditioning
    • 1. It would increase the safety of the building by mitigating hazards imposed by high temperatures
    • 2.         It would increase the comfortability of the building
    • 3.         It would ensure the reproducibility of temperature-sensitive results

Results

• Each sub-section is clearly discussed and with efficient details.
  • I.e ​​labs, then classrooms, then common areas, then hallways, and finally offices in last place (Figure 4).
• Include a brief discussion of what is dichloromethane (DCM), diethyl ether, pentane, and dimethyl sulfoxide (DMSO).
• The sub-section: “Properties of temperature sensitive solvents” is too complex add some more information that help clarify what those scientific words are. I.e definition of each.
• It is best to provide a definition for solvents because not everyone majors in Chemistry.
• Recommended workable and affordable solutions are clearly identified.
  • Very detailed description
• The results section follows a clear and logical order.
  • Follows the exact order as the graphs
• Headings help with the organization of the report
  • Clearly identifies what will be discussed.
• Discussion of each table and graph is expressed in detail
• Some scientific terms need clarification
  • I.e pentanes as hexanes provide a safer alternative and have a higher boiling point.

Conclusion

• Underlining should be consistent
  • Analysis of Survey – Climate change
• All topics and results discussed are summarized in detail
• Definition for some scientific terms should be defined again for clarification, for non-technical readers
• A recommendation sub-topic should be included as mentioned in the text-book

Organization

• The organization of the draft is done clear and effective
• All Headings and subheadings are used effectively.
  • Helped with clarifying the specific topic and graphs that will be discussed in the section.
  • Bolding and underlining clarify the section
• Word is used appropriately(12 font, Times New Roman)
• Graphs are placed in the appropriate section
• All sections are connected in an organized order and based on the order of graphs
• there are some pages that are left with too much space
  • I. the conclusion can move up a bit.

Style

• The report is objectively written with no personal opinion
  • I.e “The students, staff, and faculty of UBC chemistry agree that air conditioning would be a great addition to the chemistry building”.
• The report maintains a positive tone.
• A couple of paragraphs that include scientific terms are hard to follow
  • I.e “Properties of temperature sensitive solvents” is really hard to follow because no definitions or description is mentioned.
• Your report does follow the “you attitude”
  • Questions relating to the first four topics were released as three different online surveys and sent to various students, faculty, and staff of UBC chemistry through email and social media platforms
• Some paragraphs in the results should be revised because of the technical words

Design

• All graphics are well-designed, correctly and effectively labelled, and effectively integrated into the print content of the report.
• Each graph is created very clear and visually appealing.
• It would be nice if more images were to be included apart from graphs.
• An abstract should be included
• The various colours help distinguish each graph

Grammar

• I don’t see many grammar mistakes
• there are some sentences that are confusing
• Some editing would do the trick

• Final Impressions
• add some definitions to the scientific word
  • provide a definition for solvents
• keep unlines consistent
• add an abstract
• add in more descriptions of what they are.
  • pentanes as hexanes

Final comments

I really enjoyed reading your report. This looks very professional, and I can tell that you are following the steps of writing a lab report. I find it very informative and intriguing, so well done. However, as mentioned above, a lot of words you used are too advanced for a non-technical reader to understand. I recommend providing a definition and its properties. I have never been to the Chemistry Building before, so I don’t have any preference but it seems this is an important issue to be aware of. The graphs look very nice too and it is very clear. Overall, good job!

I hope my comments are helpful.

Feedback for Ethan’s report

Ethan Fung Peer review