[Chris Jung] Peer Review of Formal Report Draft – Garret Yeo

To: Garret Yeo, ENGL 301 Student

From: Chris Jung, ENGL 301 Student

Date: July 29, 2022

Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report Draft

Thank you for a well-written formal report draft. Your report topic is very interesting, so the draft can be a meaningful formal report if you develop the data section well. The following are suggestions to improve the document:

First Impressions:

• Good choice of topic which is specific and manageable by the reader, yet has significant meaning to the society when the report is accepted.
• A large amount of work is required in Data Section to convince the reader, especially finding proper data to support the main idea is necessary.

Title Page:

• Specific and appropriate target reader who can consider and manage the suggested project.
• As we are practicing writing an actual formal report, information about this course and the instructor would not be unnecessary.

Table of Contents:

• Well formatted and easy to find corresponding pages.
• The connection between ‘The Students’ Views’ and the subsections under is not clear without further elaboration. Elaboration on this will improve the cohesiveness of the report.

Introduction:

• Effective opening with objective data demonstrating the necessity of the project.
• The contents of the introduction(Necessity of the project, explanation of the topic, and the direction of the report) function well as an introduction.
• However, dividing the introduction into several sub-chapters would increase its readability as currently a lot of information is in the introduction.
• A brief introduction of the data used in the report will increase the credibility of the report and help readers expect the contents of the report.

Collected Data:

• Currently there is almost no content in this section so it is hard to give proper feedback.
• Well designed survey to provide valid information from users’ perspective, but it needs to be completed.
• Overall, ’cause of the problem’ – ‘solution’ – ‘supporting material’ structure would be effective to persuade the reader.
• Effective use of visuals(graph or table) will help readers absorb information easily.

Conclusion:

• The first paragraph is about a co-op program which does not match with the topic of the report. Thus it needs to be deleted.
• The rest of the recommendations has a valid point. However, it is hard to connect the argument in the conclusion with the contents from data section because currently there is not much contents in the body of the report.

Grammar and Technical Errors:

• The section name in the data section ‘Students’s Views’ needs to be changed to Students’ Views.
• The first sentence of the Recommendations section needs a correct use of verb form. The verb ‘need’ should be changed to ‘needs’ as the subject of the sentence (the City of Burnaby) is a third-person singular noun.

Formatting:

• Adding a bit of theme or formatting to the title page can attract the reader at the first glimpse of the report.
• Proper use of page name and indentations according to paragraph levels.

Reference:

• Proper reference is required. Currently there is one clear citation from Statistics Canada in the beginning of the introduction, but no reference is found in the reference section.

Final remarks:

The final formal report can be improved if you refer to the following suggestions:

• Large amount of work in the Data Section to build solid and persuasive argument of the proposal.
• Adding well-structured contents in the Data Section to support the main arguments in the report.
• Elaborating on the connection between sections to increase the cohesiveness of the report
• Editing grammatical errors to increase the professionalism of the report.
• Add appropriate visuals to effectively deliver the information in the Data Section .

The formal report draft is well conceived overall and set to the right direction. Significant amount of development in the data section is required to increase the completeness of the report. Hopefully the suggestions are helpful. Please contact me if you have any further questions about my review.