Editing for conciseness: If possible, avoid two and three verbs in a row. The goal is to aim for as concise and precise language as possible.
For Example:
“More importantly, I learned how to work well in a team from working there. I had worked with many teams with sizes ranging from 4 to 100+ people for different projects. To bring the best results to a team, I had to learn how to speak concisely and clearly, make feasible plans for a project, and meet the deadlines of my tasks. My autonomous working practice and effective communication skills in a team will contribute to building good work ethics for everyone in the team (86 words)
Rewrite for Conciseness – editing out unnecessary verbs and words
More importantly, working with many teams ranging from 4 to 100+ people on different projects taught me how to work effectively with team members: speaking clearing and concisely, making feasible project plans and meeting deadlines. These practices along with effective communication skills will contribute to building a good work ethic for our team. (53 words).
For Example:
“Over the past two years, I have held the role of business development in a company that I started with one of my previous classmates. During this appointment, I have had various relevant communication interactions in a formal business setting, including drafting proposals, making presentations, and writing company memos. As part of the company’s sales operations, we had to develop pitch decks and present them to our clients. Over the course of my duration at the company, I believe that I have gained a very valuable experience learning and exploring the intricacies of the English language, especially in a business environment” (101 words).
Rewrite for Conciseness – editing out unnecessary verbs and words
“Over the past two years, I held the role of business development manager in a company that I started with one of my previous classmates, a role that included drafting proposals, making presentations and writing memorandums as well as presenting ‘pitches’ to clients. I gained valuable experience in writing in a business environment (53 words).
For example:
“In my undergraduate and graduate studies, I have prepared two theses. I have also published a couple of popular-science articles in the biggest English language magazine in Pakistan. In graduate school, I regularly contributed to writing feedback to authors who had submitted their draft articles for publication in scientific journals” (50 words).
Rewrite:
In my undergraduate and graduate studies, I prepared two theses. I also published two science articles in the biggest English language magazine in Pakistan. In graduate school, I regularly contributed to writing feedback to authors who submitted their articles for publication in scientific journals (44 words).
Example:
“I have identified how my past academic experiences has inculcated in me an abiding appreciation of the peer review process as a way to improve and correct oneself.”
Rewrite:
“I identified past academic experiences and my appreciation of the peer review process as a way to improve and correct oneself.
Avoid unnecessary words –Always assume your readers are busy people!
For example:
“I am thrilled and excited to venture out the expanse of technical writing with a group that is meticulous and enthusiastic. Personally, I have taken course such as Political Science, English, and Creative Writing throughout my academic tenure and have multitude of experience with writing, in all its dynamic forms. Lengthy papers and expository research have surrounded my varied educational programs since grade 9. Having done the International Baccalaureate program in my high school, I took English as one of my Higher Level courses and graduated with distinction in it. Coming from India, English isn’t my native tongue and people would also be surprised with my fluency and control over the language ( 112 words).
Rewrite: “I am excited to venture into the expanse of technical writing with a group that is meticulous and enthusiastic. Courses in Political Science, English, and Creative Writing courses have provided my experience with writing in all its dynamic forms. With an International Baccalaureate program in my high school, English was one of my higher Level course, of which I graduated with distinction. Coming from India, English is not my native tongue and people are often surprised with my fluency and control over the language (84 words).
Example:
Since I was young, I had always been interested in the interactions between humans and society, and for that reason, I pursued a career path in healthcare with my previous degree in the Bachelor of Arts in Psychology. For about two years during my years of study, I had worked with a small team in Providence Health Care where I was tasked to assist in the creation of the first ever province wide survey for long term care residents. There, I assisted with the preliminary data analysis and evaluation processes, and with the results, I helped create and maintain the standardization of the survey to be conducted for over 27,000 residents in 331 long term care facilities. Beyond my work in the survey creation progress, I also had the opportunity to set up and update a website that documented the progress of the survey results, as well as to write standardization rule sets for volunteers to follow for the survey ( 160 words).
Rewrite:I’ve always had an interest in people and society, my previous degree was an Arts degree in Psychology. While studying, I worked with a Health Care team to create a provincial survey with 27000 participants in 331 long care facilities and assisted with the data analysis and evaluation processes. I also created and updated a website documenting the process and wrote the standardization rules for volunteers (67 words).
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