Details, pronouns, and unnecessary words

Good Wed Morning 301;

As I read through your letters of applications and memos, I will take note of the most common errors and provide examples on how to correct these errors below. The smart thing to do when you receive an updated evaluation sheet, is to correct your errors according to your feedback.  At the end of the semester, you will build a Web Folio (see the Welcome notes on your Evaluation Sheet), and if you correct your work as we move through the course, you will be much happier when end of term arrives. As well, you will learn progressively as you self-edit your work.

Details please:

• • “Educational Background:  4^th year with courses in Political Science, Sociology, Anthropology and English 

***

Unnecessary words:

Dear Classmates of English 301:

“I am writing to all of you, my fellow classmates, because I am interested in applying for a professional writing group for this technical writing class this semester.”

REWRITE: I am writing to express my interest in forming a professional writing team for our technical writing class.

***

Expression: “I have had an extensive background in customer service work.

REWRITE: I have an extensive background ….

***

Avoiding pronouns as much as possible will improve the tone and conciseness of your writing. For Example, look what happens when I edit out as many pronouns as possible in the following passage:

“For the past 3 years, I advanced my skill set to better understand the needs of youth living within South Vancouver and the Sunset community as the current Young Adult Settlement Counsellor for South Vancouver Neighbourhood House (SVNH). I have previous experience in administrative tasks including writing emails, grants and reports. I regularly create detailed posters for upcoming events and workshops for young adults and youth. I proofread scholarship applications for high school youth and provide feedback on how to improve their writing. In addition, I draft emails to external community partners to announce upcoming workshops for high school youth. I manage a professional social media account to promote community events. In relation to group projects, I collaborated with multiple people in academic and professional settings. For example, I wrote an extensive psychology research paper in collaboration with other team members” (141 words / 8 pronouns)

REWRITE: My previous work experiences include administrative tasks, writing emails, grant applications and reports. Presently, as the Young Adult Settlement Counsellor for South Vancouver Neighbourhood House (SVNH), I have developed special skills to work with young adults. My duties include proofreading scholarship applications and providing feedback, creating posters for events and workshops, drafting emails, and managing a professional social media account. I am comfortable and happy collaborating in both academic and professional settings (69 words / 4 pronouns)

***

NOTE: Avoiding the word ‘it’ will improve expression

“In terms of my strengths, these include being concise, having the ability to connect with the audience it was intended for, able to work well under hard deadlines, and being collaborative with other team members.

REWRITE: My writing strengths include being concise, connecting with my intended readers, meeting deadlines and collaboration with teammates.

***

NOTE: Eliminating Unnecessary words and pronouns with a focus on conciseness.

For Example: “English 301 will help me critically evaluate my writing ability to make it become more clear and concise. I believe that knowing how to write effective documentation is extremely important in collaborative settings especially in team-based environments.  ‘Collaborative’ and ‘team-based’ are almost the same thing (37 words/ 3 pronouns)

Rewrite:  English 301 will assist with critically evaluating my writing to improve clarity and conciseness. Knowing how to write effective documentation is extremely important in collaborative settings (26 words/ 0 pronouns).