1.3 Peer Review for Brian Wong

To: Brian Wong (ENGL 301 Student)

From: Parsa Seyed Zehtab (ENGL 301 Student)

Date: February 12, 2023

Subject: Peer Review/ Term: Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI) 

Thank you for submitting assignment 1.3 (definitions) to our team forum. This was an insightful and enjoyable read. Please see the review of your document below, which includes suggestions for improvement. 

First Impressions: 

This is a well formed definition document of the term Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI). The requirements outlined for this assignment are well organised, and easily digestible. Some minor grammatical errors are present, yet they do not significantly affect the readability of the document. There are some improvements that can be made regarding citation techniques, which are outlined below.

Organization: 

• The introduction to this assignment is clear and detailed, however, a situation was not clearly outlined. (Example: “… a seminar geared towards youth and first year students interested in medicinal sciences”, building upon the information provided in the target audience). 
• The format for the headings is clear, providing the reader with an easy reading experience.
• There is ambiguity regarding the techniques used for the in-text figure citation; whether following APA or MLA, referencing the correct citation style documents on how to cite figures in-text (i.e., including a Figure 1 header) will improve the document. 
  • Reviewing the caption at the bottom to ensure it matches the citation style chosen will also strengthen the document.

Expression: 

• The tone and expression used in this document are clear and professional. The document gets to the main points in a concise manner and makes it an easy read. 
  • Some improvements can be made to decrease word count. For example, under the History subheading, “…, scientists began to wonder…” can be replaced with “… scientists wondered…”.
•  The document would benefit from the use of parenthetical definitions when you include scientific terms in your explanations
  • For example, a parenthetical definition for “atomic nuclei movement” under the History sub heading would benefit the reading audience, as they may lack chemistry knowledge. 
  • Under Operating Principles, an explanation of what “the radio waves are disabled” encompasses would have made this section more clear. 
• The Analysis of Parts section would benefit from the use of parenthetical definitions to explain terms such as “superconducting coil”, “gradient coil” and “radio frequency coils”.

Content:

• The content in this document nearly meets all the criteria for the assignment: 
  • There is a detailed introduction 
    • However, there is no “situation” described. Please refer back to the assignment requirements to implement this part. 
  • There are three forms of the definition. 
  • Four types of expansion techniques are used.
  • There is a visual.
  • There is a works cited section. 

Visuals:

• The visual chosen compliments the Analysis of Parts expansion technique
  • Makes it easier to understand the more technical aspects of an MRI machine. 
• Please refer to proper in-text citation techniques for figures, as there is not a figure heading (example Figure 1.). 
• An expanded caption would benefit readers, especially if it highlighted the most important parts of the figures. 

Works Cited List: 

• There are many references included, well done going above and beyond the requirements for references. 
• Either correct APA or MLA style is not followed: a review of the APA or MLA citation guidelines would improve the References section.
  • For example, if following MLA style, it is convention to write “Accessed _date_” as opposed to “Retrieved _date_”. 

Grammar and Typos: 

• There are only a few grammatical errors, which are slight in nature 
  • For example, under the History sub-heading, it should be “… in 1937 when physicist, …”.

Concluding Comments:

The definition provided for MRI is clear and easy to read. The formatting of the assignment made it organized and easy to follow. Include the following edits, along with a proofread, to make this an even more outstanding assignment: 

• Reviewing figure citation rules will improve the overall quality of the assignment
• Double-checking for grammar mistakes will increase the readability of the document
• Proof reading to cut down on some “wordy” sentences will make the document have a better flow.
• Reviewing MLA/APA works cited rules will ensure all citation errors are amended.

 

Thank you for taking the time to write a thoughtful definition for MRI’s. As someone who has experience with the term before, it was enjoyable to read and still provided me with new information. If you have any questions, please feel free to reach out to me at parsaz00@students.ubc.ca 

 

Link to definition under review: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl30199c2022w2/2023/02/08/1-3-assignment-three-definitions-of-mri/