To: Amy McCoan, Author
From: Michael Ly, Reviewer
Subject/Term: Functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI)
This is a peer review on the definitions for Functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging (fMRI). This document will contain both positive and critical feedback starting from how well the written definitions address its purpose, its audience, and how well the document is structured for clarity.
First Impressions:
The document is well structured and the layout is clear. It introduces the reader to the scenario and states the purpose. The document defines fMRI clearly with the use of parenthetical and sentence definitions. The expanded definition is clearly divided into four methods. There are two visual images that are separated by other methods and could be placed beside each other to make the document more focused.
Purpose:
- The purpose of the definition for fMRI is clearly stated under the scenario section of the document.
- It sets up the setting for which the definition for the term fMRI may be required, the individuals involved, and the study participant who will serve as our audience.
- The scenario also serves as a brief introduction for the reader to be presented with more information about the fMRI.
Expression:
- Consistent professional tone
- Parenthetical definition use throughout expanded definition greatly improve the understanding of complex terms
Content:
- The parenthetical and sentence definitions are written clearly and explains the acronym for the fMRI, its function, and purpose in a way that is easily understood.
- The audience is introduced to the magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) scanner as a requirement with a brief explanation of what it does and what makes it different from an fMRI. But the definition does not go into more detail about what is required to make the fMRI different from the MRI other than having different functionality. This can be further elaborated to improve clarity or be separated into a comparison and contrast method of expanded definition.
- The required method can further explain why noise and compactness is a requirement for the fMRI to operate besides being a condition for the participant to participate
- The MRI discussion and procedure time can be further revised by adding an introductory sentence that introduces the two topics to allow for a smoother transition between the two.
- In the operating principles section the audience is immediately introduced to the physiological process of neurons, cells, and blood flow without first introducing the fMRI. Without first introducing the fMRI, the audience may be unable to see how this new information is relevant to the fMRI.
- The explanation of the physiology and introduction of medical jargon such as hemoglobin, hydrogen atoms, and deoxygenated blood increase the language complexity. The paragraph can be revised to reduce its use of medical jargon such as hemoglobin or introduce the importance of oxygen level in blood in simpler terms.
- The use of the negation method, by stating that the fMRI is not a mind reading device, defines the fMRI very effectively on what it is not.
Visuals:
- The two visuals included in the expanded definition help the audience see what an fMRI looks like and what function it serves.
- The first image of the fMRI machine allows the audience to be able to picture the machine and how, as a participant in a study, they will have to lie down and be inserted headfirst into the machine.
- The second image provides a clear picture of the results of a fMRI scan and allows the audience to connect its function to a visual image.
- The visuals are both well labeled with the figure number above the figure and the description below the image according to APA style guidelines.
Grammar and Typos:
- No typos or grammar errors noted
Works Cited List:
- Extensive works cited list
- Correct APA style for list of works
Concluding Comments:
The definition is informative and well organized. The following revisions can be considered to help improve clarity of the definition.
- Bold headings for the different methods for the expanded definition
- Shifting the two visual images to be in the same section
- Revise the requirement method section to clarify the relationship between an MRI and fMRI
- Revise the requirement method section to explain why noise and compactness of the fMRI is required for its operation
- Revise or simplify words or phrases in the operating principle section of the expanded definition
Thank you for accepting this review. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions.
Link to definition reviewed:
https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl30199c2022w2/2023/02/06/amys-definitions/
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