To: Michael Ly
From: Amy McCoan
Peer Review: Akathisia
Thank you for submitting the definition assignment for 1.3; this was an informative read. Please see the review of the document below with suggestions for improvements.
First Impressions: This document is well laid out and concise. There is an introduction to the assignment, the definition, and the intended audience. The parenthetical and sentence definitions provide an excellent basic understanding of Akathisia. The expanded definition is divided into four different methods: etymology, history, compare and contrast, and one visual. However, there is a definition under the Expanded Definition header that does not have a method. The compare and contrast section will benefit from clearer comparisons. Overall the expanded definition is a little too concise. It would be strengthened by rearranging for clarity and adding more in-depth information. There are minor grammatical and APA formatting errors in the document and references. The formatting of the assignment is somewhat appropriate and visually appealing.
Organization:
- A great introduction to the assignment and intended audience. To improve flow, separate the intended audience sentence from the assignment introduction.
- Overall formatting looks great. Bolded headings make the document consistent and easy to read.
- The paragraph under “Expanded Definition” requires a method heading.
- A few minor APA errors in the figure and references.
- The document is concise and to the point.
- The document ends somewhat abruptly. A closing sentence or two would help tie it together.
Expression:
- Overall the tone is formal and consistent.
- Writing expression is clear and enjoyable to read.
- Definitions are appropriate for the intended audience and easy to understand.
Content:
- The document contains all the required elements of assignment 1.3.
- The parenthetical and sentence definitions progress nicely from simplistic to more specific and provide an understandable explanation of akathisia.
- There is a paragraph directly under the Expanded Definition header which requires a method. It is an excellent definition and could then be made stronger with more information about which conditions the medications are historically used for. For example “Usually these medications are taken for schizophrenia or other brain disorders. That means the doctor can change the dose to relieve the symptoms”.
- The etymology and history sections are both informative, however, the run-on sentence under “History” could be split into two for improved flow.
- In comparing and contrasting akathisia, please consider either stronger examples in comparing it to anxiety/agitation or choose another movement disorder to contrast too. Currently, the method reads a bit vague and disjointed. The sentence about “lower extremity movement” does not inform the reader about how it is different from anxiety, or how the two are related.
- References need to be rearranged alphabetically and there are some other minor APA mistakes.
- Overall the document flows relatively well. A closing sentence would help tie it all together.
- No jargon is used and the writing expression is appropriate for the intended audience.
- Readers are left with a clear understanding of the signs and symptoms of akathisia.
Visuals:
- The visual is colorful and informs the readers of the signs and symptoms of akathisia.
- An added illustration of akathisia (feet moving up and down) could help readers relate to their condition.
Grammar and Typos:
- There are no typos noted.
- The historical definition is a run-on sentence. Consider splitting it into two or more sentences for clarity.
- Minor punctuation errors (e.g: missing a comma in the introduction “purpose and situation.”).
Works Cited:
- An appropriate amount of diverse references.
- Minor corrections are required for APA formatting.
Concluding Comments:
Your definition was interesting and informative to read, thank you. Please see the following revisions that can be made to strengthen and clarify your definitions.
- Split the introduction paragraph into a description of the assignment and a sentence about the intended audience for clarity.
- Add a method section to the paragraph under the header “Expanded Definitions” and include further information about the medications instead of only focusing on the signs and symptoms.
- Correct the run-on sentence under the “History” method for clarity.
- Provide stronger comparison/contrast either against anxiety or another movement disorder for a more robust definition.
- Add an illustration to the figure to help the audience understand akathisia better.
- Include a closing sentence or two to tie the expanded definition together.
- Double-check for minor grammatical and APA formatting errors.
Link To Definition:
Thank you and please feel free to reach out with any questions. It has been a pleasure reviewing this work. Great job!
Leave a Reply