To: Carman Chu
From: Alethea Kramer
Peer Review / Term: Classical Conditioning
I appreciate your submission for lesson 1:3 and enjoyed reading your definitions. Please review my reflections of your work and see below for my notes and suggestions.
First Impressions:
You have provided a detailed and thorough definition of Classical Conditioning. This would be well suited to a psychology student or someone who is researching related topics. Sentences are generally grammatically correct, however include supplementary terms and use passive voice at times. Please see below for my suggestions on how to improve writing style.
Organization:
- Each part of the document is well labeled and the formatting is effective for visually navigating between sections
- The visual is effective and well labeled
- References look correct and well formatted
- Please include a section that describes the reading situation to give context on the purpose of the definitions and the target audience
- Use of italics in the Complex Term and Expanded sections is inconsistent and used to infer different things about the content – please unify use of italics
Expression:
- Use of parenthetical definition is incorrect. Please refer to the textbook for a detailed explanation of how to use a parenthetical definition. You have used another specialized term to define your complex term rather than using common language that quickly communicates the meaning to readers.
- Although sentences generally are well-formed and grammatically correct, some information and words seem supplementary. For example, sentence 3 of the introduction does not add any necessary information to your document and feels vague.
- In the Analysis of Parts and Operating Principle sections of your expanded definition, providing abbreviations twice is unnecessary. Either exclude them completely or use the abbreviation in the second reference.
- You use jargon such as ‘unconditioned stimulus’ which may not be familiar to all readers. I recommend using common language in your definitions.
Content:
- The document fulfills all assignment requirements including:
- An introduction
- Three forms of definition
- Four forms of expansion
- A visual
- A works cited list
Visuals:
- The visual is well selected and clarifies your example. The text on the image is too small to read, please increase the size. The figure number must be referring to some other text, this should be Figure 1 of your document. Please add more contextual detail to your caption.
Works Cited List:
- Sources seem well selected and correctly attributed – well done.
Grammar and Typos:
- Avoid using passive voice. Sentences 2 and 3 of your Example in the Expanded Definition heavily use passive voice.
- There are instances of unnecessary words. Rather than saying “It can be used…” in Sentence 2 in your Sentence definition you can simply put “It is used…”. Revise the document for unnecessary words.
- Remove language that is imprecise. In sentence 1 of the Operating Principle section of the Expanded definition, saying “The unconditioned stimulus (US) is usually something that will…” infers that there is another state or application that is possible, yet isn’t described. If it is usually something, what else could it be?
Concluding Comments:
You have provided a detailed and well organized definition of Classical Conditioning, it was interesting to read. Please proofread your document and consider the following suggestions:
- Remove unnecessary words and sentences
- Avoid jargon and using other complex terms in definitions
- Rewrite sentences that currently use passive voice
- Reformat your visuals caption and fix the figure number
- Increase the size of your visual
- Be consistent with use of italics
- Avoid defining abbreviations multiple times
- Avoid vague sentences or words
Thank you and feel free to request any clarification. I appreciate your hard work.
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