To: Amy McCoan, English 301 Student Writer
From: Jade Duan, English 301 Student Reviewer
Date: February 25, 2023
Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report Proposal: Increasing the number of online classes and labs offered at the University of British Columbia
Thank you for submitting this proposal for increasing the number of online classes and labs offered at the University of British Columbia. In my opinion, this proposal has presented a sound solution to the problem of insufficient offerings of online classes at UBC, while addressing the well-being of students suffering from related academic difficulties. Following are some detailed appreciations, as well as some suggestions for further improvements:
First Impressions:
The highlight of the proposal is its noble purpose of improving students’ mental health. In the context of today’s high cost of living, more and more students have to choose to commute or work, and their needs deserve wider attention. Also, the proposal builds a strong case by stressing the fact that students’ successes are closely related with the university’s reputation, which makes solving the problem a mutually beneficial cause. Furthermore, the eloquent qualifications section lends more credibility to the author’s observations of the problem.
- One overall impression that calls for an improvement is an under-use of citations. The author’s first-hand experience is expressive indeed, but the intended audience might want to see testimonies or reports from other sources as well.
Organization:
The organization of the proposal is decent and robust. All the headings are bolded and appropriately titled, providing an easy reading experience. One suggestion:
- Number the six bullet points in the Scope section, so that their total number is more clearly corresponding with that in the summary description above.
Introduction:
The introduction successfully lays out the most concerning negative effects of the problem, and provides a direct look into the root causes by bringing in short examples. Only one shortcoming:
- The last sentence in the second paragraph of this section is a little long. It could be rephrased or broken down to become clearer, like some examples offered in the textbook’s Editing for Fluency of Chapter 11: Editing for a Professional Style and Tone.
Statement of Problem:
The statement of problem explains why the lack of online lectures and labs is a problem with more details. It organizes the negative effects to two categories: academic difficulties and time management issues. This implicit categorization enhances readers’ understanding. However, as mentioned in the first impressions of this review, citations could be included here to add more credibility to the argument.
- Include some outside sources about the relation between lack of online classes and prolonged graduation could make a more convincing explanation.
- Introduce some psychological findings about mental health issues induced by stress would be helpful.
Proposed Solution:
The proposed solutions are both precisely prescribed to target the problem discussed in former sections. What is especially impressive is the consideration of providing two possible plans to tackle the problem. The indented audience will likely be pleased to see more than one options.
Scope:
The six outlined inquiry areas are all highly relevant to the proposed solutions. When combined, they would cover the entire scope of the planned investigation. The lack of numbering in the bullet point list is only a minor issue.
Methods:
Using survey statistics as the primary source, and using data collected through research as the secondary source are both reasonable methods. These two methods are feasible in terms of time consumption, and reliable in terms of information integrity.
Grammar and Technical Errors:
There is only a minor grammatical error:
- Qualifications:
Add preposition “with” in “provide me the opportunity to…”
Revisions: Please note the following suggested revisions mentioned in this review:
- Include more citations, such as other testimonies or relevant psychological findings
- Revise the long sentence at the end of the Introduction section
- Number the six bullet points in the Scope section
- Correct one grammar error in the Qualifications section
In conclusion, this is an outstanding proposal for investigating the feasibility of increasing online classes for the benefits of students and UBC. Hopefully suggestions offered in this review would be useful for the revision process. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions about any comments in this review. Thank you again for the great proposal.
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