Peer Review of Carman’s Formal Report Proposal – Assignment 2:1

Title: Peer Review of Carman’s Formal Report Proposal

Date: February 28, 2023

To: Carman Chu

From: Byung-Sun Park

Peer Review / Proposal for Adding More Time in Between Classes to Allow Students to Get to Class Without Being Late

Link to the proposal: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl30199c2022w2/2023/02/24/formal-report-proposal-for-adding-more-time-in-between-classes/

 

Thank you for writing the proposal for Adding More Time in Between Classes to Allow Students to Get to Class Without Being Late for the assignment of lesson 2:1. Please check the review of the proposal and suggestions for revisions below.

 

First impression:

This proposal document is well-organized with a clear structure of all requirements including a proposed solution and methods. The document starts with an introduction and a statement of the problem to provide sufficient information for readers on the topic of why UBC students need more time between classes, but an introduction should also include the cause of the problem along with the background. The detailed examples described in the statement of the problem help the reader to understand the problem better. The document contains enough information about the topic but should also provide more details about the specific readers of the report who have the authority to implement the recommendations. The paragraphs in the document are clear and concise enough to be easily understood, but the subjects of some sentences need to be clarified. Overall, this proposal document is well-written with all requirements easily understandable for readers. Not that much revisions are required except for correcting some ambiguities in sentences and adding more details in a proposed solution and methods. Please check below for detailed suggestions.

 

Organization:

• The document is clearly organized with the bolded heading of each section.
• Areas of inquiry in Scope are described with a numbered list.
• The subject of the document can be clarified by including “Proposal for” at the beginning to let the recipient know that this document is the proposal document.
  • Subject: “Proposal for Adding More Time in Between Classes to Allow Students to Get to Class Without Being Late”

 

Expression:

• Sentences are clear enough to be easily understood by readers.
• The tone of the document is professional, which is appropriate for the setting.
• The subjects of some sentences need to be clarified. For example:
  • “Something must be done to ease the stress that is put on students.”
    • Can be revised as “Valid solutions need to be suggested to ease the stress that is put on students.”
  • This is enhanced when there are exams for students to get to where being late is not an option.
    • Can be revised as “The problem worsens when there are exams for students to get to where being late is not an option.”
• The readability of the title can be improved by using “Between” instead of “in Between”:
  • “Adding More Time Between Classes to Allow Students to Get to Class Without Being Late”

 

Content:

• The document contains all requirements of the proposal:
  • Introduction
  • Statement of Problem
  • Proposed Solution
  • Scope
  • Methods
  • Qualifications
  • Conclusion

 

Introduction:

• The document clearly introduces background information to readers who may not have a background in the scope of the raised problem.
• The introduction section needs more information about the cause of the problem:
  • The document currently lacks the cause of the problem that is stated in the statement of problem section. 
  • A brief explanation of how and why the introduced background causes the problem should be included.
  • Please check how to write the cause of the problem from the second paragraph of the introduction on page 538 of the course textbook.
• The introduction should also include details about the specific readers for the Formal Report who have the authority to act on the recommendations.

 

Statement of Problem:

• The problem is stated with valid reasons why the problem should be resolved.
• Detailed examples are provided to help readers understand the severity of the problem.

 

Proposed Solution:

• One possible solution is provided with valid reasons of how and why it can help to resolve the stated problem.
• Adding a brief explanation of how the proposed solution is workable and cost-effective can enhance the feasibility of the solution.

 

Scope: 

• The six areas of inquiry to be pursued in the research are clearly stated.
• The defined scope of the proposed study fits to investigate and analyze the stated problem.

 

Methods:

• The primary data source is described with details on how to implement them.
• The primary data source needs more details on how the target students will be selected for the survey.
  • Will the survey be distributed to random UBC students or specific students selected based on specific criteria?
• The second method, observing and documenting the distance and speed of students, may be too broad with a restricted sample size to represent an actual population of UBC students. 
  • The scope of this method should be narrowed down to make it valid to represent the actual population.

 

Qualifications:

• An appropriate qualification for writing a formal report on the proposed topic is clearly stated with an author’s personal experience in a public setting.

 

Conclusion:

• The summary of the stated problem is provided while appropriately encouraging the reader to approve the study.

 

Concluding Comments:

This proposal document is well-organized with all required fields of the assignment, and both the background and the statement of the problem are clearly introduced. Although this proposal is already well-written, it can be improved with the following corrections:

• Including “Proposal for” at the beginning of the subject to clarify that this document is the proposal
• Replacing “in Between” with “Between” in the title to improve readability
• Clarifying the subjects of some sentences to replace “This” and “Something”
• Including details about the specific readers for the Formal Report who have the authority to implement the recommendations
• Adding the cause of the problem along with the background in the introduction section
• Clarifying how the target students for the survey will be selected in the methods section
• Narrowing down the scope of the secondary data source

Thank you for taking the time to read my review of the document. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions. Thanks.